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Monday, April 4, 2011

Fat Love vs. Fat Hate -- Part 2: The Lovers

Before I start on our wonderful topic today, I’d just like to mention the response I got to my previous article on fat hate. A couple of readers stated that the comments were so repugnant to them that they couldn’t finish reading it. I totally understand, although I’d like to state that even though I found the comments equally horrific, I think it’s important to examine them and the kind of people who are making them. Think of it as scientists putting the cells of a disease under a microscope in order to study it, and hopefully find a cure. Unfortunately, I don’t believe that fat hate will ever entirely disappear. However, I believe that the more we expose it, discuss it, and come up with positive ways to deal with it, the better off we will be.

One more note before we get started: I got an e-mail from one of the fat haters responsible for at least one of the comments in the article. Typically, the e-mail he sent me didn’t include a name – the coward is still making his comments anonymously (from the safety of his mommy’s house, no doubt). He tried to leave another abusive comment here, which of course I didn’t publish. Did he honestly think he was going to be able to use this blog as another forum for his opinions? What a moron. But the only reason I mention this, and what I found really funny, was the fact that I used his own negative comments and turned them into a positive, by using them in an article on fat hate. It was so perfect! I think that’s what pissed him off the most. I just had to share that little tidbit with you, my dear readers. Now let’s move on to something truly worthwhile.

I’m sure a lot of you will enjoy this post, considering the hatred we discussed last week. Fat love is just as outspoken and opinionated as the hate, I’m glad to say, and you’ll find many examples below. Once again, I researched both sides of this coin, and collected comments from people whose eyes are open and not one-dimensional about our beauty and other positive qualities.

I have to say, however, that when I researched “fat love” groups on Facebook, they weren’t nearly as prolific as the fat haters. The ones that did exist also had a disappointingly low number of members compared to the haters. I started wondering why. Is it because fat haters use their computers more, and for that reason are much more of a presence on the internet? (If that’s the case, why don't they take their own advice, get off their lazy asses, and exercise!) Is it because people who love themselves are so secure in their self-esteem that they don’t feel the need to create a Facebook group declaring it?

Or does it simply mean that, mathematically, there is more fat hate than love out there? I don’t know … but it would be interesting to see some definitive numbers.

Anyway, here are the “love” groups I found on Facebook, with the number of “likes” or members beside them in brackets (once again, I disregarded the groups with really low or single-digit members):

  • Fat women are the best looking women (175)
  • Fat, big, voluptuous women are beautiful. (155)
  • I love fat girls. (76)
  • Fat beautiful sexy bbw and loving it! (1,130)
  • Fat women are sexy. (301)
  • Fat Black Sexy Mama. (817)
  • Fat Girls are Sexy Too (157)
  • I love healthy, curvy, thick, voluptuous women size 12 and up! (1,396)
  • Proud to be in my skin (for voluptuous, plus-sized, curvaceous, and thick women) (889)

Now we’ll get to the really good stuff. Here are some comments I found on the internet. Some of them were from Craigslist Toronto, and others were collected from assorted websites and blogs. Enjoy!

i love bbw girls so what wrong with them. bigger the better i think

[post in a dating section] are you completely unapologetic about who you are? Does this piss people off in a severe way? If so, we may be meant for each other ... I'm a long-haired musician/writer/industrial worker who is looking for his unapologetic counterpart. ... As far as women go, I like pale skin, dark hair, and I do love fat chicks. I don't wanna hear euphemisms for it either, BBW or whatever. You're a fat chick and you're not ashamed of it.

Forget abs of steel – give me soft arms, wide hips and fleshy lips! For as long as I can remember, I’ve been turned on by fat women. … I love fat women, and I’m married to one.

My name is Donald, and I’m an F.A. I’m not ashamed of that. I’m proud of it. I want the world to know that I exist, and that I don’t want thin women represented as the only beautiful woman in my society. And I want all the fat chicks everywhere to know, regardless of what this deranged culture tells you, that you are beautiful, and desirable, and loved.

Oh. Ah. You poor souls who have never experienced the love of a fat woman. I am not joking here at all. Your eyes have been blinded by culture.

I don’t really know what the naysayers are talking about when they put down fat women I have loved several and it is an experience not to be missed such pulcratude [pulchritude] such lovely mounds of flesh yes I say love them all.

I don’t know if you know this, but in the days of old, if a woman was thin she was looked down upon as lower class, poor and not cared for. But the fuller more voluptuous woman was viewed as being healthy, well taken care of and of the higher class – she was considered beauty in motion. I would guess if you’re a boy then you would be attracted to a girl … (thin and boyish). But if you’re a man then you greatly appreciate and adore a real woman. Full, voluptuous, soft, and warm … full of passion and sensual delight. The best to love, to adore, to hold, to caress, to massage, and to sleep with.

I think big women are beautiful. I’m going with a big woman now … I’m a slender man at almost 6 foot at 170 pounds. At almost 6 foot, she is 240 pounds and more beautiful than I have ever imagined her to be. She is poised and carries herself like a queen. During the month, her weight will fluctuate from 240 to 270. She is not fat. This is the way she is. She is big. I would not want her to get sick trying to compete with thin women by losing her weight. I would not want her to change in any way. To me, she is perfect.

Give me a fat woman ANY day of the week. Skinny women are for the most part … UGLY as sin.

I have seen ugly, thin women as well as ugly fat women. I’ve also seen drop dead gorgeous thin women as well as fat ones. Honestly, it’s all in the attitude. It is how the woman carries herself that makes a difference. Tell me truly, guys. Would you rather sleep with a cold-hearted bitch or a woman who smiles and has a good time? I have a friend who is 5’8” and 265 pounds. … Her confidence level is through the roof and men NOTICE. I have seen men hurt themselves trying to get a second look. I have another friend who is thin, blonde, and has an ample chest. … She always has her arms crossed and she’s pissed at everything and everyone.

I love fat women. I can’t stand to look at a skinny woman who you can count the ribs on! … when I lay next to a woman in bed, I just wanna mend together with her, I don’t wanna feel her bones sticking into me!

I like fat girls they are so so sexy

Whichever way, fat girls have 90% better qualities to them than the 10% our naked eyes see. Come on cant we use our inner eyes and if not give all the fat women to me and never touch them again, I’ll be a king!

… And fat girls are not just pretty. They are warmhearted, beautiful, smart, loving women whose smile wakes one up in the morning and keeps one “up” at night.

Lastly, one particular comment jumped out at me and made my heart stop for a second. It’s a little ambiguous with regard to fat love. The writer doesn’t outwardly declare a love or admiration of fat women, or even defend them. But what he says totally captures the essence of the issue, of what is really important. I’ll let him say it, because he said it best:

I am a Native in Canada living in the North. We don’t have the luxury of a barrel of fruit. We get dried fruit or whatever is available. You complain about the size of women. Must be nice to have choices that you have. If we are lucky to find a woman, we marry them, doesn’t matter what they look like: can they cook, will they keep me warm, will they give me children.

That’s what it boils down to, doesn’t it? Finding someone who can be your life partner, someone you can build a life with ... and appreciating them for how they make you feel, not for what they look like.

It is absolutely tragic that so many people in our society place such a low value on that basic truth. They are so caught up in the packaging of what someone LOOKS LIKE, or how a potential partner will compliment their self-image, that they rank the sanctity of the emotional bond between a man and a woman last, and the size of her wedding dress first.

Fortunately, there are men out there who are awake. They see us. They know we exist, and they acknowledge our beauty. In spite of this good news, however, I still think men have a long way to go as far as expressing their love for us. Far too many men are still in hiding. I see far too many large women out there who are single and lonely. There are definitely men out there who’d like to be with them, if they’d just be brave enough to declare it.

I’m talking to you closet fat lovers out there: Yes, YOU! Come on out. Show us what a real man you are by not being afraid to declare your love for us. Dump that skinny chick who just doesn’t do it for you, and go with your true passion. The world won’t end. In fact, it’ll just be the beginning.

I'd also like to address the fat people out there who allow people to mistreat them, for whatever reason -- whether it's due to fear, embarrassment, lack of confidence, whatever. I know it's hard. I used to be very intimidated and afraid of the people who abused me. I allowed myself to be put in a corner and made the butt of  jokes ... and I hated and resented every second of it, as I know you do. I am no longer afraid because I finally came to a place where my love for myself "outweighed" the fear. Now I am ready to take on all comers. :) I want to inspire you to do so as well. The next time someone says something ignorant to you, or tries to make you feel inferior because of your weight, don't let them get away with it. SAY SOMETHING. Let them know that it is not acceptable. The more you speak up, believe me -- the better you will feel. In the words of the immortal Bob Marley:

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