In Praise of Big Boobs

 

Me, 16-17ish, in the famous tube top, my parents' backyard.

One thing that really rocks about being a big girl … you usually have a really great pair of boobs. My girls, for example, are very near and dear to my heart. They have been with me through thick and thin (okay, more thick than thin), have functioned as a powerful form of man radar, and enabled me to weed out the contenders from the pretenders in my life.

The women in my family all tend to have large boobs. When I was growing up, I always used to admire my mother’s buxom figure. She was the quintessential European country girl (Austrian, to be exact) with the generous boobs to match. As I grew into a teenager, I surpassed her in both body and boob size, and had constant fights with her about the revealing tops I wore. I favoured V-necks or low-cut rounded tops that showed off my girls to their best advantage.

“Why do you have to show so much skin?” she asked. Meaning, cleavage. I could never understand why she bugged me so much about it. I could hardly hide them! And hey, if you’ve got it, flaunt it. I couldn’t flaunt a skinny body, because I didn’t have one, so I figured why not use what I have? Skinny girls got to dress like skanks in mini skirts and skintight jeans, so why did I get hassled about showing off my boobs? It wasn't fair. I had to compete somehow.

My boobs tended to attract attention, and enticed a lot of weasly-looking guys over to break the ice by asking for a light. Most of them were just horny jerks, but some of them were sweet. My first real romance was with a guy who was completely obsessed with my boobs. I think I was about 16. He lived near me, and he’d always slow his van down if he caught me walking down the street. I blew him off the first few times he invited me for a ride, but eventually said What the hell and agreed. On our first actual date, I wore a tube top, and his first comment to me as I got into his van was “No bra, eh?” He did have a bit of a one-track mind, I have to admit. We spent a lot of our time talking, laughing, and just hanging out, but we also spent a lot of our time together making out in the back of that van. I managed to restrict him to the top half of my body though, and although our relationship didn’t last, he was my first real love, and I still look back on those days fondly. He always used to tell me how much he loved my boobs, how beautiful and sexy they were. Which made me feel beautiful and sexy. Which was very good for him.

My boobs have attracted controversy as well. One day, I was hanging out with a girlfriend. We went over to some garage where her boyfriend and a bunch of his friends were working. I think I may even have been wearing the same tube top my former boyfriend loved so much. When we walked in, immediately all the guys’ eyeballs went right to my boobs, and one of them just happened to mention (in passing) that there was a bed upstairs. I couldn’t believe the audacity of this fool, and I just said “Really? Wow!” or something, in a very sarcastic tone of voice. I mean, what did the guy think? That I was going to say, “Oh cool, let’s go!” Later on, after we left, my friend told me one of the guys had gone up to her and said, “That friend of yours? Aren’t you embarrassed to be with her?” My friend said, “No, why?” “Because her boobs are so big!” he said. When she told me this, I was astounded. Embarrassed to be with me because I have big boobs? Why, is it big-boobed by association or something? And what exactly is so bad about having big boobs? Is it illegal? Are all big-boobed girls supposed to be sex-mad whores? Stupid asshole.

I have also encountered hostility and jealousy in the workplace from other women, especially when I was younger. I used to work as an office temp, and at one particular company I remember the guys walking by my desk and leering, and the women’s eyebrows raised at each other. The next day, I was told it wasn’t necessary for me to return. I was only in my 20s at the time and could have cared less about the job, but I knew my job performance had nothing to do with it and that bothered me. The jealous bitches on the job were the problem.

People do make ignorant assumptions, and yes, my boobs have been the cause of some controversy from time to time. But I love them. I will always love them. They are my pride and joy. I would like to formally thank my boobs for being so gorgeous and for bringing quite a bit of pleasure into my life (not just sexual).

My boobs today. As you can see, I'm still rockin' the cleavage.

We larger women are not encouraged to love our bodies. We’re always told they’re too big, too this, too that. What makes it easier to celebrate them are those gorgeous racks most of us have. Most women would kill to have a pair of boobs like ours. Women pay thousands of dollars for plastic surgery to get fake renditions of what we have naturally! So celebrate them. Buy yourself a gorgeous bra in a pretty colour that really supports and flatters your girls. Go out and get yourself a really sexy V-neck or scoop-necked top and show off that amazing cleavage. Pamper them, love them, and find someone who will love them as much as you do.