Multiple Choice!

Welcome to Celebreight Yourself’s first multiple choice quiz! Below are a few scenarios that most full-figured women are familiar with. Please enjoy, take your time, and pick the letter that corresponds to the option you'd most likely choose. There are no rights or wrongs, just different choices. Answers and recommendations are at the bottom.

1. You are walking down the street in the middle of the day. You notice a group of laughing, huddled teenagers coming toward you. As they approach you, the “leader” or boldest of them says, “Hey, fat bitch! Lose some weight!” Your response:

a) You stand there frozen in horror momentarily, then quickly move on, hearing their laughter behind you. You do your best to ignore the anger and hurt rising in your body. This incident bothers you for the rest of the day, and prevents you from concentrating on more important matters.

b) You glare at the ringleader, brutally jab your middle finger upward, and hiss, “Fuck off, asshole!”

c) You smile calmly, shake your head in pity, and say, “I may be fat, but at least I’m not ignorant. Move along!”

2. You’re in a bar with your girlfriends. Your friends are all on the dance floor with a few guys they met. You’re alone at the table with the lone remaining guy. He’s smiling at you, but not saying much. Finally he says, “You know, you’d be really hot if you lost some weight.” Your response:

a) You die a little inside, lower your eyes, and mumble, “Yeah, I know. I’ve tried losing weight my whole life. But it just hasn’t worked.” He starts telling you about his own workout regimen, and you listen politely, thinking: Get me out of here.

b) Your mouth drops open in disbelief and you look him straight in the eyes. “Is that so? Well, I’ll bet you’d have a big dick if you met a genie.”

c) You smile calmly, shake your head in pity, and say, “Honey, I’m hotter than hell. Too bad you’ll never experience it.”

3. You’re about to take your lunch break at work. A few of the girls are milling around, discussing their options. One of them, a stick-thin girl named April, says, “I’m only having salad for the next six months! I gained two pounds this year, I’m such a fat bitch!”

a)  You suddenly remember an important task and tell the girls to go to lunch without you, you’ll catch up with them later. You skip lunch that day ... and the next, and the next.

b)  You roll your eyes and say, “April, you know you can easily barf those two pounds up in one go. The last stall on the right has your nameplate on it!”

c)  You smile calmly, shake your head in pity, and say, “April, I feel so sorry for you. Have you ever thought about getting help for your self-image problem? There are a lot of great therapists out there.”

4. You’ve just walked into your mother/father/sister/brother’s house, wearing a new outfit that you really love. You’ve also recently just lost 10 pounds, and are feeling very proud of yourself. Your mother/father/brother/sister sees you and asks, “Is that new?” You say yes, and ask her how she/he likes it. She/he says, “You’d look so much better if you lost weight. Aren’t you worried about your health?” Your reponse:

a)  You lower your eyes, feeling tears in them, and say, “Just forget about it. Leave me alone.” You can’t wait to leave and wonder why you ever visit, because the same thing always happens.

b)  You feel a rage rising inside you, and remember the countless times she/he has made similar comments in the past, always making you feel terrible. You tell her/him, “You are such a nasty bitch! I don’t know why I ever come to see you! Get the hell out of my life!”

c)  You smile calmly, shake your head in pity, and say, “What’s for lunch?” (You realize that with some people, particularly family members who are inescapably in your life, that you can’t win no matter what you say. So you just change the subject and do your best to be polite until you can get out of there.)

SUMMARY:

If you chose mostly a) answers:

PLEASE COME TO MY WORKSHOP! You feel guilty and ashamed about being overweight, and you have a very negative self-image. You need to learn how to see that there are things about you that are attractive, and to appreciate other things about yourself as well. In my workshop, we do confidence-building exercises and lots of other fun, insightful exercises that will teach you how to develop this skill. Your confidence will soar and you’ll be happier overall.

If you chose mostly b) answers:

PLEASE COME TO MY WORKSHOP! You are rightfully angry at the way you have been treated by others, but anger is a volatile emotion that can easily turn bad. It needs to be channeled in a positive way in order to benefit from its power. If you can turn the anger into a powerful sense of self, and truly celebrate who you are, there is no stopping you. In my workshop, we do anger-releasing exercises and learn strategies on how to “re-shape” anger into a healthy sense of self-respect and self-love.

If you chose mostly c) answers:

CONGRATULATIONS! Even though you’re already fabulous, wonderful, and truly love yourself, I still want to meet you! We need more women like you out there to inspire others!

Self Loathing Will Never Make You Thin

For the past month or two, I’ve been promoting my workshop in various places. Recently, I got an email from a man about an ad I had posted. The subject line read, pleasantly enough, “Please read this” and even had a smiley face beside it. So I was a little taken aback when I actually read it (even though I've heard similar sentiments before).

Without identifying him, I will quote some of what he wrote to me:

“I'm a 33 year old male and I weigh 300 pounds. My Doctor says I need to lose 100 pounds in order to be Healthy and not be in any sort of health risk . I am Fat because, I am lazy and I don`t practice good eating habits. As a Fat and Overweight person myself, I am telling you that being Fat and Overweight is nothing to be proud of. When a man or woman is Fat, it is not the responsibility of society to respect them and feel sorry for them. Respect is something that is earned, especially through Hard Work. Nor should a fat person feel sorry for themselves, or even worse, Proud for being Fat.”

This one paragraph both saddened and angered me. I’m not angry at this man for stating his opinion, but I am angry at his whole-hearted acceptance of the fat hatred around him. A lot of fat people are like this: they believe that simply because they are fat, they deserve to be treated badly. Perhaps they feel that the constant shame and ridicule that’s heaped upon them will motivate them to finally lose the weight that’s hampered their lives. I certainly can’t say that I’ve been immune to hating myself. It’s all around us, constantly, EVERY SINGLE DAY. It takes an enormous amount of strength and self-discipline to re-train your mind into believing that despite your weight, you are still a worthy, decent, deserving human being. This is what saddens me.

It’s so much easier to give in to the majority, even if the majority is wrong. That basic human need we all have, to be loved and accepted by others, is so overpowering that some people will embrace a group that hates them in order to gain acceptance from, or to avoid being criticized by, that group. (The irony, of course, is that they will never be accepted by that group anyway.) Here’s another quote from his email that illustrates this tendency, and that horrified me:

“I think I speak for Majority of society when I say that Being Fat and Overweight is Ugly, Unhealthy and is Not a disability.”

First of all, not everyone thinks that fat is ugly. There are many people who can see beauty in fat bodies. Not everyone finds them repulsive. Secondly, excessive overweight is unhealthy. I am not delusional, as some fat radicals are, and deny every health risk associated with being overweight. However, I don’t believe the health risks are anywhere near as dire as the medical community and so-called experts make them out to be. Most importantly, the health risks do not trump any fat person’s basic right to be treated with respect. When it comes down to it, it is a person’s individual choice how to live their life, and if they choose to ignore possible health risks, that is their decision. As far as fat being a disability, I believe it is. I think emotional eating is the number one reason most fat people are fat. Most fat people don’t overeat because they’re hungry: they overeat because it’s the only way they know how to get relief from disturbing emotions. When someone has been using food to cope with negative emotions their whole life, it’s no different than reaching for a bottle of alcohol or a needle full of drugs. Alcoholism and drug addiction are both considered diseases, and I consider binge eating and emotional eating to be addictions.

As far as the "majority" goes, I couldn’t hesitate to point out the most horrifying and obvious fact: Just because the majority says something is right and good, doesn’t make it so. Hitler and the Nazi party were the majority in Germany at one time. They gassed millions of people simply because of their religion. Sometimes the majority is downright EVIL. I believe the way that fat people are treated in this society, except for a few enlightened souls here and there, is downright evil.

If you’re fat, and you think hating yourself is a good way to live your life, I urge you to think again. You can’t possibly benefit yourself in any way if you despise yourself for the way you look. Please realize I’m not advocating being delusional! If there are things you dislike about your body and want to change, then say to yourself, Okay, I’m not too fond of this particular body part. But that doesn’t mean that I’m unhappy with every single thing about myself! Acknowledge what’s positive, and this will give you the motivation to change the negative. Loving yourself gives you the "fuel" you need to accomplish your goals.

Try to realize that you are MORE than your body … that you, as a human being, are a multi-faceted person.  You have a mind, you have an imagination, you have talents and abilities. Try to start loving yourself by acknowledging those positive things, and try and make peace with your body. This doesn’t mean giving yourself carte blanche to eat whatever you want, whenever you want. It means, try to be more conscious of what you eat, WHY you eat, and how it is going to affect your body long-term. Whenever you’re contemplating or actually holding that “questionable” piece of food in your hand, ask yourself: Is this good for me? If not, why do I feel compelled to eat this? If you know it’s coming from an emotional need, try to stop and think it through. What are the emotions driving you to eat this unhealthy thing? Is it safety, comfort, or relaxation you need? Is there another way you can satisfy those needs?

This is a lifelong, difficult process. It’s not easy to change a lifetime of poor eating habits. Becoming more conscious of your inner life, of the “real” you, is crucial to addressing your weight. You HAVE to love yourself. It is absolutely necessary. You cannot do yourself any good if you hate yourself.