Practice Vigilance

The other day, when I went for my daily walk in my favourite park, I was finishing up and on my way home when I decided to sit on a bench by the large pond and just relax for awhile. I was enjoying the sunshine, listening to my iPod, and pondering life. It was one of those days when the water was so still that you could see right through it, and I was sitting by this little marshy area with a shallow puddle. As I sat there, I could clearly see a whole school of little fish swimming around in this little area, looking for food, or just hanging out.

One fish in particular caught my eye. I noticed it because it stayed in this one spot right by my vantage point. At first, I thought it was hovering over some food source because every time any other fish would come close, it would immediately swim right over to it aggressively, nose first, and shoo it away. It was pretty amusing, because this little guy or girl was relentless. And it was busy. It never got the chance to sit there for more than a few seconds before one or more other fish would swim close to it, and it would immediately shoo them away again. It didn't even make any difference if an approaching fish was bigger or more intimidating; it showed no fear and went right at it. And the other fish got the message and took off right away. I realized that it was probably guarding a nest, because it wasn’t eating. I watched this little fish for quite awhile, admiring its tenacity, and when I left, I couldn’t help but smile to myself.

We large people could learn a great lesson from this little fish. The determination it exuded in the way it protected its nest and future descendants was a fine example of the way we need to protect ourselves against interlopers, people who try to sneak their way into our minds with their nasty comments, negative feedback, and snarky attitudes. We need to regard these people as threats or enemies to our self-esteem, and we need to be as vigilant as that little fish in chasing them away and letting them know that they are not going to steal anything precious to us.

A lot of the time, we’re kept as busy as that little fish, constantly having to stand up for ourselves and fight for our rights … and I know it can be tiring. It is so tempting sometimes to just say to yourself, “You know what? I’m just tired of this. Let them say whatever they want about me, I don’t care. I’ll just keep quiet and pretend to go along with them and then I can have some peace.”

But the fish just keep on coming … it doesn’t matter how quiet and passive you are. Believe me, they don’t care. They just want what they want, and even if you’re nice to them about it and don’t fight them, it won’t change their attitude toward you. So you might as well fight.

Once you get used to it, it really does become second nature … just like that little fish’s natural instinct to protect its young. Protect yourself. Be vigilant. Don’t let even one of those little bastards slip by, because it could very well steal something so dear to you that's impossible to replace. 

Multiple Choice!

Welcome to Celebreight Yourself’s first multiple choice quiz! Below are a few scenarios that most full-figured women are familiar with. Please enjoy, take your time, and pick the letter that corresponds to the option you'd most likely choose. There are no rights or wrongs, just different choices. Answers and recommendations are at the bottom.

1. You are walking down the street in the middle of the day. You notice a group of laughing, huddled teenagers coming toward you. As they approach you, the “leader” or boldest of them says, “Hey, fat bitch! Lose some weight!” Your response:

a) You stand there frozen in horror momentarily, then quickly move on, hearing their laughter behind you. You do your best to ignore the anger and hurt rising in your body. This incident bothers you for the rest of the day, and prevents you from concentrating on more important matters.

b) You glare at the ringleader, brutally jab your middle finger upward, and hiss, “Fuck off, asshole!”

c) You smile calmly, shake your head in pity, and say, “I may be fat, but at least I’m not ignorant. Move along!”

2. You’re in a bar with your girlfriends. Your friends are all on the dance floor with a few guys they met. You’re alone at the table with the lone remaining guy. He’s smiling at you, but not saying much. Finally he says, “You know, you’d be really hot if you lost some weight.” Your response:

a) You die a little inside, lower your eyes, and mumble, “Yeah, I know. I’ve tried losing weight my whole life. But it just hasn’t worked.” He starts telling you about his own workout regimen, and you listen politely, thinking: Get me out of here.

b) Your mouth drops open in disbelief and you look him straight in the eyes. “Is that so? Well, I’ll bet you’d have a big dick if you met a genie.”

c) You smile calmly, shake your head in pity, and say, “Honey, I’m hotter than hell. Too bad you’ll never experience it.”

3. You’re about to take your lunch break at work. A few of the girls are milling around, discussing their options. One of them, a stick-thin girl named April, says, “I’m only having salad for the next six months! I gained two pounds this year, I’m such a fat bitch!”

a)  You suddenly remember an important task and tell the girls to go to lunch without you, you’ll catch up with them later. You skip lunch that day ... and the next, and the next.

b)  You roll your eyes and say, “April, you know you can easily barf those two pounds up in one go. The last stall on the right has your nameplate on it!”

c)  You smile calmly, shake your head in pity, and say, “April, I feel so sorry for you. Have you ever thought about getting help for your self-image problem? There are a lot of great therapists out there.”

4. You’ve just walked into your mother/father/sister/brother’s house, wearing a new outfit that you really love. You’ve also recently just lost 10 pounds, and are feeling very proud of yourself. Your mother/father/brother/sister sees you and asks, “Is that new?” You say yes, and ask her how she/he likes it. She/he says, “You’d look so much better if you lost weight. Aren’t you worried about your health?” Your reponse:

a)  You lower your eyes, feeling tears in them, and say, “Just forget about it. Leave me alone.” You can’t wait to leave and wonder why you ever visit, because the same thing always happens.

b)  You feel a rage rising inside you, and remember the countless times she/he has made similar comments in the past, always making you feel terrible. You tell her/him, “You are such a nasty bitch! I don’t know why I ever come to see you! Get the hell out of my life!”

c)  You smile calmly, shake your head in pity, and say, “What’s for lunch?” (You realize that with some people, particularly family members who are inescapably in your life, that you can’t win no matter what you say. So you just change the subject and do your best to be polite until you can get out of there.)

SUMMARY:

If you chose mostly a) answers:

PLEASE COME TO MY WORKSHOP! You feel guilty and ashamed about being overweight, and you have a very negative self-image. You need to learn how to see that there are things about you that are attractive, and to appreciate other things about yourself as well. In my workshop, we do confidence-building exercises and lots of other fun, insightful exercises that will teach you how to develop this skill. Your confidence will soar and you’ll be happier overall.

If you chose mostly b) answers:

PLEASE COME TO MY WORKSHOP! You are rightfully angry at the way you have been treated by others, but anger is a volatile emotion that can easily turn bad. It needs to be channeled in a positive way in order to benefit from its power. If you can turn the anger into a powerful sense of self, and truly celebrate who you are, there is no stopping you. In my workshop, we do anger-releasing exercises and learn strategies on how to “re-shape” anger into a healthy sense of self-respect and self-love.

If you chose mostly c) answers:

CONGRATULATIONS! Even though you’re already fabulous, wonderful, and truly love yourself, I still want to meet you! We need more women like you out there to inspire others!