Diet Inspiration

Has this ever happened to you?

You’re walking along, minding your own business … maybe you’re on the sidewalk, in a mall, or perhaps you’re standing in an elevator. I’ve noticed these situations seem to happen in elevators a lot.

You become aware of people behind you. It’s usually two women, but it can be a whole gaggle of them. Every once in awhile it’s men … but more often that not, it’s women. You hear them babbling their inane little chatter about some blouse they just bought or about how they went to their nephew’s birthday party the day before. You feel their beady eyes on you, boring through you like invisible power drills.

Suddenly, one of them says something like, “I really need to get back to the gym” or “I really need to lose this last 2 pounds.”

You realize that your body … the personal, sacred vessel that contains your soul … has just been used as a source of diet inspiration for someone. They may not have been talking directly TO you, but they are talking AT you. Their commentary is about you. They have examined your body, made a negative judgement about it, and are discussing it like a general source of mutual disgust. You kind of get the feeling that they hope you will overhear them for your own benefit … that you, yourself, may benefit from their observant assessment.

You feel violated. You feel angry. You feel like turning around and saying: “Bitch, don’t waste your time at the gym. Go to the bakery down the street instead. Get yourself a few donuts and scarf them down. Hopefully, the extra pudge on your ass will make you look more like me.”

But you count to ten, take a deep breath, and smile wisely to yourself. It’s not easy to be a constant source of inspiration … but you are. We make a lot of people uncomfortable. People look at you and then they assess themselves. Something inside them just doesn’t feel right, and they think they can fix it by going to a gym or going on a diet. After all, that’s what they’re told, day in and day out. Lose weight and your life will be perfect.

They look at you and assume that you are unhappy because you are big. They probably think that if you had the chance, you would trade places with them in a second so that you could go shopping at H&M, Costa Blanca, Abercrombie & Fitch, Garage, and Aeropostale and wriggle yourself into the same skinny jeans they do.

If only they knew just how fabulous you are, and how much contempt you have for their way of thinking and assessing people. But of course, they have no clue. They never will, for they are the majority … and the majority never has to change their thinking, because their way of thinking rules the world.

Or so they think.

Vlog #1: Fat is the Perfect Scapegoat

I love the illustration above (sorry if it's hard to read ... the balloon bubbles contain a lot of negative thoughts). This is a perfect example of how our thinking prevents us from getting what we want, which is part of the topic I want to discuss today.

For a change of pace, I've decided to do a video blog this week. It's partially in response to this video, which caught my eye when doing some random searches on Youtube.

Here is my video:

Please let me know if you like this video format. Depending on your response, I may start doing more videos and less writing ... or scrap the videos and just keep blogging.

Here is the link to Raqui's magazine and radio show.

Till next week, babes!

Suck-Proof Your Life

We have all met them … people who seem to specialize in sucking joy or positivity out of the air, just like a vacuum. I consider joy and positivity essential elements for living a productive life. Just try doing anything constructive or positive when you’re feeling down … it doesn’t really work, does it?

Unfortunately, there are many people who choose to go through life wallowing in negativity. They wallow in it so much that they have a surplus of it which they are only too eager to pass on.

Can you recall an occasion when you felt really great emotionally? Maybe you fell in love and had that wonderful walking-on-air feeling and the world felt like such a beautiful, magical place. Or maybe you were just feeling great for no reason at all … maybe you just looked at yourself in the mirror one morning and thought: Damn, I look good! Then one of those people came along. Their sour expression always gives them away. You see them assessing you from head to toe, figuring out which weapon from their arsenal is about to come out of their mouth. Then they speak … and momentarily (perhaps much longer than that), your joy drains away. Their mission has been accomplished.

These types of people are known as energy vampires or psychic vampires. It's a very accurate description, because their attack is a psychic one. These people are attacking your mind. Make no mistake, their action is the emotional equivalent of a punch, slap, knife jab, or gunshot, depending on the severity of their effect on you. I know people who have felt totally crippled and numbed by someone's emotional manipulation.

A lot of us tend to dismiss actions like this or believe that they are harmless by rationalizing that they are merely "verbal". While it is true that it is not quite the same as being physically assaulted, psychic attacks can be just as senseless, gratuitous, and damaging as a random act of violence.

I love the story below because it illustrates this kind of interaction so well. It was written by SARK, who is an inspirational BBW writer and artist. Her books are joyful, colorful treats to the eye, full of inspirational quotes and fun little doodlings and drawings. This story comes from her book “Succulent Wild Woman”:

I was actually warned in a restaurant one time for laughing too loudly. The manager came over and said crabbily, “Some of my customers are annoyed by your laughter. Why don’t you keep it down?” I asked who those customers were. He refused to say. So I stood up and said, “Could I see a show of hands of people who are upset by the sound of my laughter?” No one raised their hands, so I said to the manager, “Good. The matter is settled.”

Way to go, Sark! I doubt that I would have been able to handle that situation with as much poise and grace as she did, but what a fabulous way to address the issue. I also love how when these people were confronted with their nastiness and pettiness, they totally clammed up and refused to admit that they had been the person (or persons) responsible for lodging the complaint. Not only were they nasty and petty; they were cowardly about it. They wanted to lodge their complaint anonymously, from a distance, because they didn’t want to be recognized for the nasty, petty people that they truly are. They wanted to maintain their cover of being "normal".

I have also been in situations like this, where I have felt really happy and joyful, and out of the corner of my eye ... I’ve seen someone assessing me, not liking the sight of my happiness and joy, silently plotting how they are going to try and take it away from me. Why? Because they feel I don’t deserve it? Because they are jealous of me?

You may be asking … Gabriela, what does this have to do with weight? I’ll tell you … a lot of people believe that we large people don’t deserve to be happy. They actually begrudge us our happiness, and if they see that we are happy, they will actively (or passive-aggressively) try and take it away from us.

Know this … if you are left feeling disoriented, puzzled, and sullied by an encounter with a soul sucker, you are definitely on the right track, because they have seen something in you that they want … whether it’s happiness, confidence, positivity … whatever wonderful quality you are exuding.

Don’t let them take it away from you. Look them in the eye. Make them explain themselves and the reason for their objection to your happiness/confidence/positivity. Make them wriggle uncomfortably when confronted with their own true natures. Then smile, wave happily, and continue on your merry way. They really hate that. :)

Will It Be Twat #1 or Twat #2?

Twat #1: 
Sarah Burge, aka The Human Barbie

Posing alongside her innocent and impressionable daughter, Poppy

Note stripper pole

I already have two nominees for Twats of the Year, even though it's only January. One of them was actually from last year, but I hadn't heard about him until I started researching this story, so I'm nominating him now. Sorry about the tardy nomination, Dr. Ludwig, but I'm glad to let you know that you have made my list! 

I saw this story posted on Facebook the other day. Please browse for purposes of today's discussion.

Yes ... this woman, Sarah Burge (aka The Human Barbie) gave her 7-year-old daughter Poppy a gift certificate for liposuction. She's also given her one for a boob job. Actually, it's for when she turns 18, so don't get all outraged. It's not like she's telling her daughter she has to look a certain way to be a woman. That stripper pole they have in the living room? Simple explanation: It's just a fun way to exercise! It's not suggesting that little Poppy should brush up on her pole- or table-dancing skills if she wants to get anywhere in life. It's not like she's telling her that the only power a woman has is in her pussy, and if she's smart, she better get with the program. Nah ... that has nothing to do with it at all. It's not mentally, emotionally, or even sexually abusive, either. What's wrong with telling a young girl she has to look and act like a sex toy to be successful? That's just empowering herself! Today's woman is free to take charge of both her body and her mind (and capitalize off both as much as possible).

Is Ms. Burge truly as loony and wacko as she seems? She claims to have spent literally $1 million on dozens of plastic surgery procedures. Or is she just a clever businesswoman planting this latest outrageous news story to assure her much publicity and clients for the plastic surgery business she promotes? I leave it up to you, my discerning readers, to decide. Actually, the more I read about her, the more I pity her. Apparently, she was beaten almost to death by a former lover, which is why she turned to plastic surgery in the first place. She literally needed to have her face reconstructed after the horrific assault. Obviously, plastic surgery has become not only an addiction, but some kind of coping mechanism for her. However, it's hard for me to maintain sympathy when she so blatantly inflicts her neurosis on her own daughter.

Twat #2:

Dr. David Ludwig, Children's Hospital, Boston

Posing with a sampling of a few of his favourite healthy food choices
(Does a lime wedge in a vodka on the rocks count as a fruit serving?)
Note the tennis/golf/convertible tan

Check out this  next story, however, which is even more outrageous. Can you believe that an evil mother  actually let her child get fat? And didn't do anything to stop it? Thank heavens for vigilant professionals like Dr. David Ludwig, who recognizes true emotional abuse when he sees it. What insight! What compassion! Tear a child away from his mother, punish her for a perceived unhealthy lifestyle, and that will solve the problem! So what if the kid gets traumatized even more than the bullying and harassment that he is undoubtedly already subjected to because of his weight ... let's add being stolen from his mother as another cross for him to bear. Maybe shedding some tears will kill a few extra calories.

I wonder what Dr. Ludwig thinks of Ms. Burge's gift to her little 7-year-old daughter. I wonder if he thinks that home environment -- complete with stripper pole in living room -- is a healthy environment for a young child. I wonder if he would advocate removing Ms. Burge's little 7-year-old daughter from her care and placing her in a foster home where she would receive some healthy role modeling and parenting. I also leave it up to you, my discerning readers, to decide. (And I'll bet we come up with the same answer.)

In closing, these two pieces of work get my votes for Twats of the Year. I know it's only January, but they are probably going to be pretty tough to beat. Personally, I think the doctor is the clear winner, since he is supposedly an educated person and is mandated by his chosen profession to help people rather than advocate traumatizing them. But hey ... there's 11 months left in the year. There's still plenty of time left for other fat haters to compete!

What kind of prize do you think we should we give the winner? I know ... How about a year of free enemas so the shit can come out their other end for a change?

Don't Trash the Old You

Happy new year, everyone. Welcome to 2012. Guess what … I’m still fat. How about you? You are too? Whadda ya know.

I was chatting with a friend the other day and we were talking about our new year’s eve and how it went, what we did, etc. I was telling her about certain things in my life that I’m not entirely happy with, and she was encouraging me, saying You just have to think positive, you can’t let people get you down … and then she said: You have to create a new you … the kind of person who has exactly the life you want.

I know she was trying to be supportive and encouraging, but that phrase “new you” kind of bothered me. It suggested that the "old me" wasn't good enough ... that my current self is someone I need to cut myself off from, like a toxic relative or friend. 

I don’t want or need to create a new me. I love me. I honestly and truly do. If other people don’t like me the way I am … oh well. There’s the fucking door, whoever you are.

Yes ... like all of us, there are things about myself and certain circumstances in my life that I wish were different, but I would never want to change the fundamental person I am. If somebody waved a magic wand over me and I could suddenly be many pounds lighter, would I jump at the chance? Of course I would … but not because I don’t like who I am. I would jump at the chance because if I were many pounds lighter, I would probably feel a little more comfortable in my body, and I could wear all the clothes I would really love to wear. I would be able to strut my stuff some more. (Not that I don’t strut now, on occasion – you should have seen how hot I looked on new year’s eve -- but if I were thinner, I’m sure I would strut a lot more.)

If I could magically change the circumstances in my life that I’m not entirely happy with, would I? Of course I would. But it doesn’t mean I want to discard anything about myself now. It wouldn’t change who I am inside. I would still be the same amazing person.

I have no desire to jettison my “old” self. I have no desire to create a “new” me. I would love to manifest an “ultra super deluxe version” of me, which is simply an amped up version of the amazing person I have always been (and please don't mistake self-love for arrogance ... I am not arrogant. We are ALL amazing people and we simply need to acknowledge that.)

So many of us believe that simply because there are things in our life that aren’t currently working the way we want them to, it makes us failures or losers … that there is something defective about us that needs to be trashed and that we need to create a whole new being from scratch. I could never discard my history, my weaknesses, my failures, my regrets, my unachieved desires. They are a part of me, just as much as all the things in my life that I am so proud of.

I say: Embrace your faults. Hug your failures. Love your fears and sadnesses. Don’t hate them. Don’t make them your enemy. What we consider our weaknesses or failures are actually incredible teachers, guiding us to where we want to be. Respect them, love them, and thank them.

Start this new year by acknowledging them, honouring them, and making them your allies, not your enemies.