Mariah Scary

Oh nuts ... those fat hating diet profiteers at Jenny Craig are at it again ... In case you haven't seen it, take a look at this:

Not that asinine, offensive diet commercials are anything new, but ... This takes wrong to a whole new level.

In case you haven't heard, Jenny Craig's latest celebrity spokesperson is Mariah Carey. Apparently, Mariah just had a baby. During her pregnancy, she gained weight (imagine that!) She has lost an astronomical 30 or 30-something pounds on the Jenny Craig diet plan. Mariah described her body during pregnancy as "rancid" and stated that she refused to let her husband see her naked at that time. She also stated that her motivation for jumping on the Jenny Craig bandwagon was not for the paycheck or for vanity's sake, but her genuine concern for the health of the general public, due to the recent death of her friend Heavy D, who had battled his weight for years.

Watch the commercial above, if you haven't already. Then ask yourself: Is health the primary message you're getting from this?

When I think of all the feminists who demonstrated and fought so hard for women's rights and about how we deserve equality and respect and then see a commercial like this ... an ad that so brazenly reduces us to nothing more than sexual beings ... when it offers up a woman who looks like the Whore of Babylon as a viable role model all women should aspire to emulate ... it makes me want to take my hat off for feminism and mourn at its graveside ... because it truly is dead.

I have seen some rancid diet commercials before, but this one really takes the cake (pardon the pun). The first time I saw it, I was quite puzzled for the first few seconds. All I could see was black gauze and sparkle. Then the object inside the gauze and sparkle starts hacking at it like Jason Voorhees, struggling to get out of a cocoon that resembles a rejected skating costume. Lo and behold, we see a stiletto heel, a tanned leg, and then I realized ... ah yes, another celebrity diet hawker is about to emerge.

When she fully emerges in all her scantily clad glory, the first thing we think is: Health. Right?

And what's with the quasi-skirt? It's a floor-length strip that is somehow supposed to convey modesty ... but the hip is provocatively out-thrust, her legs are bared on either side of it, the stilettos look like they could skewer a shishkebob, and the newly-flat tummy is prominently on display. Why didn't she just hack her way out of the giant pantyhose cocoon in a bikini? Oh, I know ... that would be too sexist and vulgar.

I guess maybe if you hack your way out of a fishnet cocoon, it burns calories. Or it's good for your heart. Or something.

An interesting aside: Ms. Carey got her debut on the big screen in the film Precious, which was about a large, poverty-stricken black girl trying to fight her way out of a life of abuse and low self-esteem:

So much for Mariah's role as pumper-upper of a fat girl's self-esteem. Shame on you, Mariah. You could have gone back to just spewing out shitty but harmless pop songs, but you chose to do this instead. Great career move.

When it comes to manipulative, sexist, airheaded, brain-dead commercials and diet shillers, Jenny and crew never lets me down. They get my award for most loathsome diet company of all time.