Letter to My Younger Self

Last week, I watched a great video by fabulous fat girl Virgie Tovar. In her video, she talked about what she’d say to her young fat self from her current fat self, with all the knowledge and experience she’d acquired along the way. She urged us fellow fat girls to write our own letters as well, and I think it’s a great idea.

Here’s mine. (I've used photos to illustrate certain periods, and I'm sure you'll notice in at least a couple of them that I certainly didn't look fat ... but I can guarantee you that I always FELT fat, and that my weight was always an issue.)

Dear Gaby (everyone used to call me Gaby when I was younger, and my best friends still do),                

                 

I know you think that life is nothing but shit and that you will never find love, success, or happiness, but girl … wait until you see what happens. When you grow up, you will find love, success, and happiness. They may not come from the places you expect, and they will not come at the whisk of a fairy godmother’s wand, but they will happen, and you will find that your suffering and strife makes them even sweeter.

You will find the love you crave. Some of it will be paired with pain and disappointment, but the true love you find will be unquestionable. You will do stupid things but you will learn from them. You will go through a period where partying, drinking, and drugs seem like part of your identity, but actually it's just a natural rite of passage and a coping mechanism. The only way you were able to feel comfortable around other people most of the time was to be drunk and wasted out of your mind, but it was also a hell of a lot of fun (unless you were painfully hungover) and you won't regret a moment of it. You will have great and not-so-great sex with not-great men. You will meet men who use you for their own purposes, but even though they think they're getting off easy, you're always fully aware that you're allowing them to use you, and that you regard this simply as a romantic crap shoot. 

Through much trial and error, you will finally meet a man who surprises and amazes you with his goodness and uniqueness. You will make a baby together. You will marry him. You will give birth (in a mere 5 hours!) to the most beautiful little girl in the world. She will delight you with her spirit, sense of humour, and uncanny similarity of character.

You will amaze yourself with your bravery, guts, and tenacity. You will amaze others with your achievements and accolades, and be extremely amused and gratified at the astounded looks on their faces. You will become a writer whose readers tell you how much your words inspire them. You will represent others like you and you will do it with style, grace, and rock and roll.


You carry yourself with pride, dignity, and class. Even the most loud-mouthed fools will have to bend the knee to your undeniable intelligence and self-respect. Despite your disappointment and disgust with much of the world, you  will always have a sense of awe for it. The desire to express this awe sparks much creativity and makes you feel part of a global artistic family, and you experiment with and express yourself through photography. You will look back on your life and smile, and think of the perfect sense it all makes, for you would not be the woman I am now if I had not been the girl you were then. I love you, baby. Rock on.

From the 46-year-old you

What's even cooler than writing this letter to my younger self is realizing that 20, 30, or even 40 years from now, my older self can write the same type of letter to my middle-aged self, telling me what I've learned and the great things that have happened to me since!

I urge you all to write your own letters to your younger selves. Not only is it enlightening and fun, it really makes you look at the big picture and put all the puzzle pieces together. Life is not that big a mystery. We don't become who we are for some inexplicable reason. Every single thing that has happened to you has brought you where you are now. It's pretty awesome, when you really think about it.