You can also find more of my writing at three great websites: Large in Charge magazine, Fierce, Freethinking Fatties, and More of Me to Love. Links are below.
The other evening, I attended an incredible event.
It was incredible not so much for what was said (from my perspective), but for the sheer joy, excitement, feistiness, balls, and buxomness in the room.
The event was called "The Queerness of Fat Activism" and it took place at the Gladstone Hotel in Toronto. As far as I know, it was the first of its kind in this straightlaced, politically correct city. It was a mini revolution ... a happy revolution. I have never seen so many people so joyous and proud to call themselves fat. The pride and the self love was raucous, rowdy, and an absolute delight for me to witness.
We definitely need more of this.
The event was sponsored by Ryerson University, Critical Dietetics, Rainbow Health Ontario, and Come As You Are. It consisted of a lecture by the wonderfully audacious and unapologetic Charlotte Cooper, a fat scholar at the University of Limerick in Ireland. She talked about being fat ... about being queer ... and about being and fat and queer, and a queer fat activist. Some of it felt a little irrelevant to me as I am not queer and that aspect of fatness does not apply to me ... but that wasn't the point. I didn't really care what she said. It was just wonderful to see her THERE, standing up at that podium, and representing fat people, period. She was funny, she was smart ... she obviously loves to create a stir, and had absolutely no problem inciting rebellion in all the other queer and non-queer fat activists present that night.
Charlotte Cooper.
Afterward, there was a panel discussion with Charlotte and a diverse group of other fat activists, including a lawyer, a nutritionist, community workers, a zine publisher, and a student. They all took turns talking about themselves a bit and explaining their takes on fat activism, and the audience got to ask questions.
The panel.
There was a hell of a lot of laughter and love, and one thing Charlotte said really summed it up for me (not verbatim, but as close as I remember): "Everyone says it's so bad to be fat. Poor us. Well, looking around this room, it doesn't look so bad to me. It's not that bad at all!"
Everyone unanimously agreed.
Me and my friend Melanie. Look at the smiles on our faces. I guarantee we weren't the only ones smiling like this!
I have been waiting for a moment like this in the city where I live for years. Toronto has always prided itself on appearances. What do tourists always say when they visit here? "IT'S SO CLEAN." Toronto has long been an ultra conservative, proper city where materialism rules. It is a city largely populated by the rich and the beautiful.
Well, last night the doors opened to include a whole bunch of people who have been told they're not beautiful ... and obviously didn't get the memo ... because I guarantee these women will not allow anyone to tell them they are not beautiful. They KNOW they are beautiful, and anyone who'd be foolish enough to try and tell them any different ... well, let's just say they'd be looking for the quickest exit.
It was inspiring. It was an awesome sight. The room was packed to the rafters and probably spilled out into the lobby area. This was a message that a lot of people have obviously been waiting for.
I know Toronto has a long way to go before it catches up with other cities like San Francisco that are famous for fat activism and fat politics. But the scene before me yesterday gives me hope ... the doors are open ... opening wide ... and just waiting for all of us to walk in and add our voices to the solid choir that is already there.
It’s about David Smith, aka “The 650 Pound Virgin” of TLC
fame. I remember watching the show when it aired. (I know … shame on me, tuning
in like all the other freak-show fans to watch a human being’s private life
splayed open and dissected like one of those rubbery frogs we all practiced our
rudimentary scientific skills on.)
Anyway, I remember watching the show and watching his facial
expressions as he began losing the weight and thinking, Hmmm … there’s a lot
going on in there. He was doing his best to hide it – smiling, acting happy and
proud, working out like a real go-getter, and blushing modestly at all the
praise that came his way.
I could relate, because I rapidly lost a lot of weight at
one time in my life too – not as much as David, but enough to qualify as a lot
of weight. I remember my dismay when I looked at my much smaller body and
admired how it looked (and was quite in awe of myself, I have to admit -- I was
not without narcissism) … but still feeling exactly the same underneath. I
remember my dismay when I realized I wasn’t a different person at all. I may
have looked quite different, but the woman inside was completely intact.
Not that I didn’t love or value that woman … but I also knew
that she had a lot of issues. A lifetime of them. And a lot of them came from
being fat.
This is what angers me so much when I hear people
religiously touting diet after diet, and proclaiming that theirs is the miracle
diet that will finally get the weight off for good. We all know those diets
don’t exist … but let’s just play devil’s advocate for a moment and pretend
that there is a miracle diet that gets the weight off for good. Okay, so the
weight is off. Now your life is supposed to be perfect, right?
WRONG!!!!
I cannot think of a better example to prove this fallacy than
David Smith. If you didn’t see the show when it aired, go to Youtube and check
out some clips. Look at how hard he worked, how he struggled, how he fought to lose the weight. (And he is just one of many, many people who have done the
same.) He underwent painful surgeries to get rid of the loose skin that was
aesthetically displeasing to his newly trim body. Do you think he willingly
would have put most of the weight back on after all that suffering? Do you
think he didn’t realize it was creeping back on?
But he couldn’t stop it. He couldn’t prevent what was
happening. He was returning to his old body, his old self, his old habits …
because nothing except his body had changed.
Why do people believe that thinness equals happiness? Here
was this 650 pound man who had no friends, had never had a girlfriend, was
housebound, had basically no life, and who at one point had actively planned
his own suicide. Then, relatively suddenly, he was “normal”. He was proclaimed
“okay”. People called him cute and studly. Women were suddenly interested. How
do you think someone who has been isolated and depressed for most of his life
would react to this sudden acceptance into society?
I could see it in his facial expressions during the show -- especially
one excruciating segment when he went to a bar to try and meet women. He was obviously
terrified and didn’t know what the hell to do. Of course he didn’t. How would
he? BUT HE WAS THIN. So what’s the problem, some people will undoubtedly ask.
The issues were obviously still there. Unless the issues
that underlie being fat are dealt with (and a great deal of us have them, to some degree),
losing weight will never be a victory.
All fat people feel, at some point in their lives, that they
have been excluded from a select group of preferential people. If they lose a
lot of weight and suddenly become “worthy” of inclusion into this select group,
do you think they’ll be happy about it? Why the hell would they?
Why would anyone want to hang out with and share any part of
themselves with people who told them they were ugly and lazy all their lives? I
think all people who have lost a lot of weight struggle with this issue, and I
think a lot of us have pretended and faked friendliness with people like this for
awhile. But sooner or later, the resentment and general distaste kicks in. We realize that hanging with people like this is really a betrayal of our own values, and
I think that’s a big part of the reason the weight comes back on. These people
don’t really love us, and we know that. So we hurry up and get fat again so
they can kick us out of their group. That way, we don’t have to take
responsibility for leaving that cabal of thinness ourselves.
David’s so-called saviour, motivator, personal trainer and
BFF, Chris Powell, who was all buddy-buddy with him during the show when he lost
the weight? It's been reported that he's no longer his friend. You’re not surprised, are you?
Apparently, David’s girlfriend (who met him when he was
thin) has stuck with him so far, which frankly surprises me. I just hope that
in his despair and humiliation at regaining the weight that he doesn’t
undertake another drastic weight-loss regimen. (I just discovered this video on Youtube, where David appears set on doing exactly this.)
This sad story reteaches us all an extremely important lesson.
If you’re unhappy with your life and you’re fat, simply losing weight is not
the answer. You need to ask yourself some very deep, hard questions, and be
honest when you answer them.
For the past few days, I’ve been posting pictures and videos
of my favourite rock bands on my Facebook page. It got me thinking of my youth
and what it was like to be a fat teen. It wasn’t easy. I can only imagine how
much harder it is for young girls now.
While most of my friends were either dating or being pursued
by horny young wanna-bes, I was either watching it from the sidelines or
cynically shunning the hormonal goings-on whenever I got pissed off enough at
being left out of all the shenanigans. The truth is, of course, that I was
horribly jealous and extremely lonely. I always knew that deep within me beat
the heart of an extremely sexy, sensual, erotic, freewheeling romantic, but
unfortunately, I seemed to be the only one who did know it. Imagine having a
bomb inside you that keeps sparking and trying to explode but never getting
quite enough energy to set off. That’s the kind of emotion I was keeping inside
me. Music was a great outlet – rock music,
specifically, because of its energy, volume, and balls. Music was my boyfriend.
I could really feel for Janis Joplin. Here was this very
plain woman with this amazing, cosmic voice. All you
had to do was hear her sing to know her heart and soul. She practically threw
it in your lap. And what did she sing about constantly? Thwarted love … being
broken hearted … being desperately lonely and searching for the one man who
would love her till the end of time. I could so relate. I remember once, after the
dissolution of a tryst that I had foolishly hoped was going to turn into a relationship,
a friend of mine telling me, “You should tell him to listen to Piece of My Heart, Gaby.” Come on, come
on … take another piece of my heart, baby. I’m gonna show you that a woman can
be tough.
You have to be especially tough if you’re fat, because you’re
constantly defending yourself, or preparing yourself in case you need to defend
yourself. Insults, ridicule, humiliation can come from anywhere at any time … I
preferred to be prepared for it and not be taken by surprise (or at least
having other people know they took me by surprise). If they did, I would do my
best to make sure they didn’t know it. My exterior was rock hard and unfazed …
but underneath, I was squirming and curling up like a fetus.
Your femininity gets shoved into the back seat because of
your toughness too. How can you allow your natural femininity to show when you’re
constantly having to defend yourself? How can you feel safe enough to show the softness,
prettiness, and vulnerability that all men love and respond to when you’re not
sure you can trust him? I know I kept mine under lock and key until I was
absolutely 100% sure that a guy was worthy of its presence … and that usually took
a very long time (at least it seemed like forever to me … in reality, it
probably wasn’t that long, in retrospect. But when you’re young, days seems
like weeks and weeks seem like years).
Love became much easier when I stopped dreaming about having
a rock star (or a reasonable facsimile of) for a boyfriend. I knew I wasn’t the
type of girl most rock stars sang about or courted. I began to see a lot of rock
music for what it was – testosterone-driven drivel that had one main purpose –
getting the rock star laid. So I put that where it belonged – in the trivia
pile – and concentrated on music that really moved me. I guess that’s when I
began to really search my soul, too, and not care so much about what other
people thought of me. I began to think more about what I wanted, and how and where
I could get it, instead of trying to BE what someone else wanted.
Where am I going with this post? I’m not quite sure. All I
know is, a lot of me is still in mourning for the girl who never got to be
young and enjoy her girly deliciousness. True, I’ve done my best to make up for
it -- and have even succeeded, somewhat -- but you can never recapture and make up for that kind of a loss completely.
I hope that fat young girls today realize how beautiful they
are and how much more broadminded the world is, in general. It’s definitely not
perfect and there is a long way to go, but things are better, on the whole.
Bullies and bullying are pretty much universally despised and everyone knows
that people who hate fat people are assholes. I hope young fat girls today get
more love than I did back then.
Celebreight Yourself has now exceeded 20,000 hits and it is time for a celebration! If I could, I would reach through the computer and pass you all a cupcake, but since that isn't possible, I would simply like to extend a big, warm Thank You to all my wonderful readers.
It took me a little under a year to reach 10,000 hits, as I recall, and it has been a little under six months to reach 20,000, so it seems my readership is increasing at twice the rate. I like that.
I thought I would just have fun with this blog post, not even talk about anything fat-related ... instead I thought, Why not celebrate the number 20,000? So here we go ... here's some things that involve the number 20,000:
The number of women Wilt Chamberlain claimed to have slept with in his 1991 biography "A View From Above" (I bet they called him Wilt the Stilt for more than one reason)
Part of the science fiction classic title "Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea" by Jules Verne.
Part of the 1953 monster movie title "The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms".
The number of years it has taken for the volume of the male human brain to decrease from 1,500 cubic centimeters to 1,350 cubic centimeters (about the size of a tennis ball). This is according to a University of Wisconsin anthropologist.
The risk of getting an egg with salmonella: 1 in 20,000.
"Nightmare at 20,000 Feet" was one of the best Twilight Zone episodes ever ... the one with William Shatner seeing a frightening, freaky creature on the wing of a plane.
The number of commercials seen per year by the average child.
The average number of words a woman uses per day. A man uses approximately 7,000.
The cave painting above (from Lascaux cave in France) is approximately 20,000 years old.
The number of underage users Facebook bans per day.
The dollar amount of the fine for cruelty to animals (in California).
The supposed number of new words added to the English language every year.
The above picture is titled "20,000 Corgis Under the Sea".
The dollar amount required from any participant qualified enough to partake in a NASA launch, summer 2012.
The dollar amount offered to a blogger (from the National Enquirer) for "confessional" stuff on Tom Cruise -- plus, promotion of his book.
That's all for now, folks! Hope you enjoyed my celebration of the number 20,000 ... and thanks again for helping me get there!
There is no shortage of videos on YouTube about people chronicling their "weight loss journeys". Every once in awhile, though, there is one like this, which is undeniably compelling and inspirational:
This video moved me. I'm sure it will move most people who watch it. Seeing this man struggle, fall on his face and ass, and keep getting up and doing it again ... you can't help but respect and admire him. There is no denying that Arthur is an incredible person with an incredible drive, and what he has accomplished is amazing. I am very happy for him and I hope that his health and his life continue to flourish.
However, there is an unspoken but very palpable subtext in this video (and others like it) that disturbs me. The suggestion seems to be that unless you put yourself through the same kind of endless agony and torture, you are not worthy of respect. It seems to be saying that if you are overweight and not putting yourself through hell to rectify it, you are lazy. It also suggests that all it takes is hard work and determination.
If hard work and determination were the answer, I'm certain there would be very few people in this world with a "weight problem". We have all put more than our share of sweat, agony, torture, hard work, and determination into the weight loss bank, and for the vast majority of us, it hasn't paid off.
The inspirational intention of videos like Arthur's can backfire in the sense that they suggest to viewers that his "happy ending" is possible for everyone (and is it the end of his story? Ex-protege of Richard Simmons, Michael Hebranko's tumultuous story comes to mind). Nothing could be further from the truth. These kind of results are extremely rare, and they can be accomplished by very few people.
I also found this video (and the message it sends) a little ambiguous. At times it was difficult to determine which aspect of Arthur's transformation he was happier about: the weight loss or the fact that he is now able to walk again (not only walk, but run!) In the end, he stated that regaining his mobility was far more important than the weight loss, but the weight loss aspect of his story seemed to be stressed far more than his disability. It seemed to be suggesting that even if he never did regain his mobility ... at least he lost the weight.
I know that some people out there will read this blog, sneer at me, and call me an envious spoilsport for putting a negative spin on this video. Envy has nothing to do with it. The problem I have with it is this: I keep picturing people who are significantly overweight watching Arthur's video and saying, "I can do that too!" Then I picture them trying as hard as they can, and falling far short of their lofty goals when their bodies fail to have the same affinity for weight loss as their minds ... and getting horribly depressed, ashamed, and their spirits broken when the results just don't turn out the way they were told they would.
Don't misunderstand me: I'm not anti-effort. I think that striving for something you want to achieve -- whatever it is -- is a wonderful and admirable goal. Our minds are extremely powerful and it is truly amazing what some people can accomplish by being staunchly fixated on one specific goal. If that kind of focus does flower and come to fruition, it's difficult to imagine anything more rewarding.
But why is that we never see the other side of the equation -- the reality, the far more common experience -- which is diet failure, weight regain, depression, shame, humiliation? Those results are experienced far more often (95% more often) than the almost-unprecedented, astronomical success like Arthur's. Stories like Arthur's are positive and inspirational, but they can also be dangerous and destructive. Most of us are not superheroes. Most of us are just normal, average people trying to do the best we can.
There is no shortage of TV shows with this message as well: shows like The Biggest Loser, where people are segregated in a weight loss community where weight loss and exercise are lived, breathed, walked and talked 24/7. It's inevitable that in such an isolated, focused community, weight loss is bound to result. But situations like that are not reality. The average person can't take a hiatus from life, sequester themselves in a weight-loss-obsessed community for six months to a year, and singlemindedly focus on weight loss. Average people have to work, pay bills, raise kids, maintain their homes. Those everyday obligations don't leave much room for an intense focus on weight loss. Real life is just not as accommodating as so-called reality TV.
Yet videos like Arthur's and shows like The Biggest Loser keep trying to convince us that the results these people attain are just as possible for us ... and it is simply bogus.
Have you ever wondered why you never see videos about people chronicling their weight loss regain AFTER a massive weight loss? Have you ever wondered why there are no videos showing the fallout from diet failure -- the desperate attempts to maintain weight loss, and the inevitable binging and yo-yoing that occurs after dieting? YET IT IS THE NORM. 95% of dieters inevitably gain the weight back.
I wish I could go back in time and chronicle the suffering I went through when I regained the huge amount of weight I lost after a starvation diet. It would have been truly educational and inspirational as far as exposing the damage that dieting did to my body. You would have seen me struggling to get through each day without feeling like I was starving to death, panicking at every weigh-in when I saw the weight creeping back on, and frantically trying to control my rebelling body .. and having to deal with the feelings of failure, shame, and embarrassment on top of it all, when I found myself back at square one.
I wonder if anyone out there who has lost a huge amount of weight on a diet will be brave enough to make such a video. I suspect it will never happen, because it would simply be too depressing. Who'd want to chronicle their "failure" and put it on Youtube for everyone to see? But it happens to 95% of us ... and seeing what someone goes through when weight is regained would be tremendously helpful. It might make some young person considering a diet give it a second thought, and thus avoid the inevitable weight loss/gain rollercoaster her whole life.
I'm not saying it's wrong to try to lose weight. No one has the right to tell anyone what she should or shouldn't do with her own body. I'm not begrudging Arthur's success and trying to dissuade people from losing weight if that is their choice. But it's extremely important to remember that Arthur's results are rare. They are not the norm. It is counterproductive and potentially destructive to imply that his results are attainable by everyone.
Other inspirational videos could deliver a far more helpful message: Don't bother getting on the diet train ... concentrate on eating healthy and moving your body, but forego the boot camp mentality. You're 95% more likely to be much happier in the long run.
Hello, dear readers. I hope you all had a very happy and enjoyable International No Diet Day this past May 6th.
For those of you who don't know, International No Diet Day was founded by a British woman named Mary Evans Young in 1992. Young created the day because she was frustrated by the dieting obsession of women around her. She realized that dieting had become a kind of mass neurosis among them, and knew that something had to be done to make our attitude towards food and body image healthier.
Mary Evans Young
I hope you've extended International No Diet Day into International No Diet Week. Come to think of it, why don't we make May International No Diet Month ... why don't we just declare every day International No Diet Day and make it a No Diet Day Eternity! It would be so much healthier for everyone.
A lot of people may be tempted to think of International No Diet Day as a ticket to gluttony -- as their excuse to eat every sugary, fatty food out there and just stuff their faces. While there's nothing wrong with indulging from time to time, going to the other extreme and gorging isn't the answer either. It's just as unhealthy as starving yourself. But due to dieting, many of us have engaged in binging or gorging behavior to compensate for the deprivation incurred by dieting, which makes us gain weight ... which leads us to the diet trough yet again.
We need to find a happy medium ... a comfortable balance. We need to stop being either at war with food or making food our everything.
Food, in its most basic form, is simply fuel. We all need food to ensure that our bodies flourish and have energy. Other than pleasure, that is food's only purpose. But food has come to represent so much more. Food is everywhere we look. It's on TV commercials, presented in the most tempting, decadent, mouth-watering ways ... it's on billboards, urging us to stop in at our local fast food restaurants and try their latest concoction ... it's depicted in pictorials and recipes in magazines, in the most appealing ways. At the same time, amid all this temptation and pleasure, we're told it's evil, we're told to beware ... that it can be our downfall.
Food is not our enemy ... and it's not our friend, either. It's simply food.
If you feel that your body is currently at a size where you would benefit from dieting, I urge you to think again. Nobody's body benefits from dieting. What does benefit us is ensuring that we eat healthy, nutritious foods, move our bodies regularly in whatever way feels comfortable and beneficial to us, and loving ourselves just the way we are.
Focus on that instead, and stop listening to the incessant campaigns that try to make us hate ourselves and embark on yet another diet.
Do you remember the crazy lawsuit a few years ago when a woman sued McDonald's after spilling hot coffee in her lap? After hearing about another crazy lawsuit recently (which I will get to momentarily), I looked it up to refresh my memory. The case was called Liebeck vs. McDonald's Restaurants.
Here's what happened: In 1992, Liebeck, a 79-year-old woman, ordered a 49-cent cup of coffee from the drive-through window of her local McDonald's. Liebeck was in the passenger seat of her grandson's vehicle, and he parked the car so she could add sugar and cream to her coffee. She placed the coffee cup between her knees, pulled back the lid, and proceeded to spill the entire cup in her lap. She was wearing sweatpants which quickly absorbed the hot coffee, no doubt causing a tremendous amount of pain and scalding her thighs, buttocks, and groin. She was taken to the hospital where it was determined she had suffered third-degree burns. Lawsuit filed, case tried, and McDonald's lost the case. The jury awarded Liebeck $160,000 to cover her medical expenses, in addition to $2.7 million in punitive damages. (The trial judge ended up reducing the verdict, and the parties settled for a confidential amount.)
The case became notorious because of many people's opinions that it was simply ridiculous and a waste of court time. A woman suing McDonald's because she spilled hot coffee in her lap? Who the hell doesn't know that coffee is hot ... that if you put it between your knees to add cream and sugar, the possibility that it might spill is definitely there ... and if so ... doh! Serves you right, idiot!
I mention this case because it was the first thing I thought of when I heard this next ridiculous case, which resolved just this past week. Perhaps you have heard ... The company was Nutella this time. A San Diego mother filed her lawsuit against the deliciously decadent chocolate-hazelnut spread company after she claimed she was "shocked" to find out the spread wasn't as wholesomely healthy as it appeared in its commercials. Check this out:
Ummmmm .... seriously? Is this woman for real? She never read a label? She never tasted this stuff? How clueless would you have to be to think that this stuff is good for you? We have become mentally catatonic if we as a society are gullible enough to believe the sunshiny happy wholesomeness of TV commercials. Put a glass of milk beside it and it becomes good for you ... Are we really that dumb? Apparently some of us are, because this woman actually believed this stuff that she was feeding her kids was healthy. Because the commercial said so.
What's even more mind-boggling is that she won her case! Nutella settled the lawsuit and agreed to pay $3 million in damages in this class action suit. The payout boils down to $4 per jar to each claimant. (Don't get me wrong ... I love it when I hear about big business actually having to pay up, because it happens so rarely. But seriously.)
What's next ... if a commercial says that adding ginseng to heroin makes it good for you ... and throws in some cute blonde kids, a dog, a clean kitchen, and sunshine ... would some people believe it?
Before I sign off, I'd like to share another extremely annoying, stupid commercial with you. It comes from the folks at Special K, who never fail to deliver the most moronic ads.
Yeah ... the skinny model in this ad really needs her confidence boosted by exchanging the size of her jeans with words like "radiant", "ooh la la", and "va va voom", huh? What makes me want to pull my hair out even more when I watch this is the suggestion that you STILL need to diet to get into those flatteringly-labelled jeans. The original implication .... that we are all different sizes and we shouldn't judge ourselves by numbers, but by our own individual attributes ... gets shat on mere seconds after this positive suggestion being introduced. They're not saying you can get into those jeans NOW ... but two weeks of Special K and THEN you can wear the jeans labelled "sassy"!
