Fuck You

This post is dedicated to all the people or things that piss me off as a large woman. Some of the references may be a little oblique; I have added a “cheat sheet” at the bottom explaining my reasons for some of the items that may puzzle you. So, without further ado:

Fuck you, Dr. Bernstein.

Fuck you, Jenny Craig.

Fuck you, Weight Watchers.

Fuck you, Slimband.

Fuck you, The Biggest Loser.

Fuck you, Dean Blundell, Todd Shapiro, Fearless Fred, and Alan Cross.

Fuck you, Kirstie Alley.

Fuck you, Abs of Steel.

Fuck you, Bowflex.

Fuck you, grapefruit.

Fuck you, Bobby Vinton.

Fuck you, One size fits all.

Fuck you, everyone who’s ever gotten a laugh at my expense.

Fuck you, envious people who begrudge you even a smidgen of success.

Fuck you, the guy on Craigslist who’s trying to dissuade people from reading my blog.

Fuck you, fat haters.

Fuck you, kids who bully fat kids.
Fuck you, Michael Karolchyk.

Fuck you, Howard Stern.

Fuck you, Hugh Hefner, Bob Guccione, and Larry Flynt.

Fuck you, Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.

Fuck you, MeMe Roth. (yes, that is how she actually spells her name. It makes sense, because she thinks it's all about HerHer.)

Fuck you, Neil Peart.

Fuck you, Twiggy.

Fuck you, Kate Moss.

Fuck you, Linda Evangelista.

Fuck you, Michelle Obama.

Fuck you, people who think that fat people are just lazy, gluttonous wastes of oxygen.

Fuck you, skinny or average-sized women who think they own all the hot men.

Fuck you, every woman who’s ever gotten a free ride in life solely due to her looks.

Fuck you, clothing manufacturers who think that the only clothes fat women deserve are polyester tents and sweatshirts with sequins or cats on the front.

Fuck you, jeans manufacturers.
Fuck you, diet book authors.

Fuck you, Wallis Simpson.

Fuck you, Jackie Onassis.

Fuck you, Cloris Leachman.

Fuck you, Helen Gurley Brown.

Fuck you, Maura Kelly and Marie Claire.

Fuck you, Karl Lagerfeld and Oscar de la Renta.

Fuck you, every guy who’s ever lied to me and used me.

Fuck you, every guy who’s ever fallen in love with me sight unseen, then fallen out of love with me as soon as he saw me.

Fuck you, phony, two-faced people.

Fuck you, foot fetishists. I don’t care what you want to do to my toes, okay?

Fuck you, the guy who asked me if those were really my tits on my blog.

Fuck you, Thinsations.

Fuck you, yogurt “desserts”. Yogurts are not dessert, dammit. Cheesecake is dessert.

Fuck you, Neil Patrick Harris and David Spade.

Fuck you, Marianne Williamson.

Fuck you, high heels.

Cheat Sheet:

• Dr. Bernstein: Starvation diet peddler in Canada. It’s all about the green.
• Dean Blundell, Todd Shapiro, Fearless Fred, and Alan Cross: deejays on a Toronto radio station, 102.1. They call themselves The Edge, but they should really just call themselves what they are: The Assholes.
• Kirstie Alley: Fat or thin, I just can’t stand her. One of the most classless people on the planet.
• Bobby Vinton: singer of the classic polka song “She’s Too Fat For Me” with the tender lyrics: “I don’t want her, you can have her, she’s too fat for me”.
• Michael Karolchyk: Sleazy, loud-mouthed fitness guru who looks like he was weaned on steroids, proudly wears "No Chubbies" t-shirts, and degrades fat people every chance he gets.
• Hugh Hefner, Bob Guccione, and Larry Flynt: publishers of Playboy, Penthouse, and Hustler.
• MeMe Roth: Anti-obesity activist who thinks all fat people are weak, greedy losers, a drain on the health care system, and probably responsible for global warming too.
• Neil Peart: This one hurts, because he used to be one of my heroes. The drummer for Rush, one of my favourite rock bands of all time, but a loud-mouthed fat hater. When I read his biography/travelogue “Ghost Rider”, I was so shocked and disgusted at the multitude of fat hating comments that I think I threw it across the room. This is the sensitive intellect who came up with the concept for 2112? Hard to believe.
• Twiggy: Famous ‘60s fashion model who really popularized the anorexic, “waif” look.
• Kate Moss: The modern-day Twiggy.
• Linda Evangelista: One of the original “supermodels” who once said she wouldn’t get out of bed for less than $10,000.00.
• Michelle Obama: I think her anti-obesity campaign to help children live healthier lifestyles is just fat hate in disguise.
• Wallis Simpson: socialite who got Edward II to abdicate and marry her, responsible for the adage: “You can never be too rich or too thin.”
• Jackie Onassis: style icon, former wife of JFK, married billionaire Aristotle Onassis strictly for his money, and said that she didn’t want her clothes copied because she didn’t want to see “any little fat women hopping about” in them.
• Cloris Leachman: D-list actress whose biggest claim to fame was the role of Phyllis on the 70s TV show Rhoda. She once (actually I’m sure it was more than once) said that “fat catchers” should net all fat people and “put them on diets”.
• Helen Gurley Brown: former editor of Cosmopolitan magazine, who once said that if you think you can eat whatever you want, you’re an asshole.
• Maura Kelly and Marie Claire: Maura Kelly, blogger who wrote an especially hateful diatribe against fat people with Marie Claire’s blessing. What’s especially galling about it is that she’s as ugly as hell, so who is she to talk about what’s unattractive?
• Karl Lagerfeld and Oscar de la Renta: bigwig fashion people who can’t stand the thought of fat people wearing their designs.
• Thinsations: 100-calorie snacks that wouldn’t satisfy an ant.
• Neil Patrick Harris and David Spade: just because. They both look like fat-hating little twerps.
• Marianne Williamson: millionaire self-help guru who preaches about unconditional love, and recently wrote “A Course in Weight Loss”, which is just fat hate in another name and an easy money-grab.

Are You An Emotional Eater?

There’s a holiday weekend coming up, and you know what that means: food, food, and more food! It can also mean getting together with family, which can occasionally lead to petty disputes that turn into major resentments. Today’s post is about something that I believe is a factor in all overweight people’s lives: emotional eating.

There is a common misconception in society that fat people are fat simply because they love to eat. A lot of people think that all fat people do is just sit around in front of the TV and stuff our faces with junk, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, simply as a hobby. Many “reality” shows have helped spur that perception along, and there is a segment of the “fat population” who do live these kind of lifestyles. However, even those who do eat to excess are not doing it simply because they love to eat. They are doing it because it’s the only way they know how to cope with difficult emotions.

Food is not evil. Food is pleasurable, and it’s meant to be enjoyed. But anything done to excess is not good. Thin people are emotional eaters too. Everyone uses food to comfort themselves now and then … but when it’s a tactic that’s used on a regular basis, it becomes a problem. I guess it wouldn’t be so bad if the food we were tempted to binge on was carrot sticks and celery … but let’s get real. When we binge, that’s not what we eat. We go for the good stuff -- the sweet, salty, fatty stuff. And overindulging in that kind of food is not healthy for anyone, fat or thin.

From my own experience, I know there was a very lengthy period in my life when the only way I knew how to relieve painful emotions was to eat them away. One of my favourite things to do when I had a quiet room to myself, was to grab a bowl of potato chips and a good book, and snuggle myself on the couch with both of them. Then I would just lose myself. I would eat, and read, and eat and read … a lot of the time I didn’t even absorb the words I was reading. It was very comforting, and I looked forward to that time by myself. I knew it was unhealthy to indulge in this every day, but I couldn’t stop myself. I felt like it was my only respite from my daily life. I needed that peace and quiet, and that feeling of safety and security.

I felt like my life was totally out of my control. Nothing was going the way I expected it to. I was horribly lonely. I didn’t have a boyfriend, didn’t have a job, my friends had all started their lives with marriages and kids, and I rarely saw them anymore. My dad had gone through a horrible illness and decline, and an equally horrible death. I felt alone and abandoned. I was terrified. When I thought about my future (which I did on a daily basis), I had no idea what was going to happen to me, but I suspected that nothing that did happen was going to be any good. Plus, I was always the sensitive type. I tended to nurture every bad thing that had ever happened to me and re-enact it in my mind, over and over again. So I ate those feelings away. I ate to stuff all that fear and trepidation down. The food was like a battering ram, stuffing those feelings right back down my throat.

A lot of us eat to stuff those feelings down. And there is such a range of negative emotions to draw from – they can range from what seems like simple boredom to outright terror. It’s amazing how the mind can take a seemingly trivial incident and turn it into a catastrophe, especially for us creative types. I think a lot of overweight people are deep thinkers because a lot of large people are isolated. They’re afraid to get out there and live life, so they stay safe in their homes. And what else is there to do when you’re stuck at home, but eat and think? It’s not a good combination.

If you’re an emotional eater, it’s crucial that you learn how to deal with the emotions that trigger you to eat. This is not necessarily to lose weight; it's more of a conscious decision to take better care of yourself. Even if you can’t stop yourself from turning to food in order to deal with difficult emotions, the first step is to recognize what you’re doing.

The next time you feel tempted to appease that uncontrollable urge to eat when you’re not hungry, try this exercise*. It doesn’t matter how stupid you think it is, or how useless you think the exercise will be. Do it anyway. If you still want to eat afterward, then go ahead. But do the exercise first.

Take pen in hand and number from 1 to 5. Finish the following phrase:

If I let myself admit it, I feel sad that … (do this five times)

Take pen in hand again. Number from 1 to 5. Finish the following phrase:

If I let myself admit it, I feel mad that …

Take pen in hand a third time. Number from 1 to 5. Finish the following phrase:

If I let myself admit it, I feel bad that …

You might find yourself surprised at what comes out the other end of that pen. You also might be surprised at the calm and relief you feel when you answer these questions. Nobody else has to see it but you. What’s important is that you become aware of what’s going on inside you. Before any kind of change occurs, there has to be awareness. You cannot change anything without becoming aware of it first. I believe it was Einstein who said that madness is when you keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result.  "You cannot fix a problem with the same consciousness that created it."

*FROM: “The Writing Diet” by Julia Cameron

Internet Dating

The internet has become the perfect venue for a lot of people trying to meet someone special, especially for BBWs who may find it challenging to meet men. It’s convenient, it’s comfortable, and it’s anonymous. You can just have fun and flirt, or try to make a serious love connection -- but it definitely has its drawbacks. The most notable is that the normal rules of social conduct don’t necessarily apply. For this reason, men tend to say things to women that they would never say if they were face-to-face with her, a common complaint among BBWs.

In the age of chivalry, there used to be something called “courtly love”, where the men would idealize the women they admired, write them poems, or strum songs of their undying love. When Henry VIII fell in love with Anne Boleyn, a woman he felt such passion for that he chose excommunication rather than losing her, he wrote her aching love letters, referring to himself as “her loyal servant”. The thought of being separated from her was “almost intolerable” except for his “firm hope of your indissoluble affection”.

A few “rules” or elements of courtly love, according to 12^th-century Frenchman Andreas Cappelanus, were: “The easy attainment of love makes it of little value; difficulty of attainment makes it prized” … “A man in love is always apprehensive” … “A true lover considers nothing good except what he thinks will please his beloved.”

Times sure have changed.

Due to the distance and anonymity of the internet, men today seem to think that flirting with a woman includes an explicit description of his anatomical parts (real or imaginary), and an equally lengthy description of the sexual activities he prefers (ditto). Either that, or they fire off an equally perplexing one-liner that says something like, “Hey. Looking for a BBW. Hit me up.”

Guys, seriously … what kind of a response do you expect to get from these emails? If you are using the internet to meet a BBW, treat her the same way you would treat any other woman, but most importantly, imagine that you are meeting her in real life. Would you honestly go up to a woman and say: “Hi! I have a 9-inch dick, and I love oral sex!” Or: “Hey. Looking for a BBW.” Do you seriously expect her to be enthusiastic with that kind of approach? Only a nymphomaniac would go for approach number one, and only a totally desperate woman would consider approach number two appealing.

So, you guys may ask: How does one go about meeting a large woman? Exactly the same way you’d approach any other woman, with one important distinction. A lot of larger women aren’t used to male attention. Some of them are even amazed that a man would approach them, and may come off as a bit cold or standoffish. She has probably been told, for much of her life, that she is unattractive and undesirable. For that reason, she may be understandably suspicious and confused when you approach her, so it’s best to keep that in mind.

Unlike medieval times, we aren’t expecting you to fight a war or joust to the death to impress us. But be a gentleman. If you find her attractive, tell her. But save what you’d like to do with her in bed for when it actually happens -- which likely won’t be the first date. You might be blowing off steam and enacting your sexual fantasies in your emails, but you aren’t going to forge any lasting relationships with them.

Likewise, if you’re interested in developing a relationship with her, show some interest in her. Start an actual conversation! Ask her what her interests are, and what she likes to do. Show some interest in HER, not just her body. Men tend to either talk endlessly about themselves, or not at all. Be balanced. Don’t make it all about you, but give her some idea about who you are too.

Most importantly: let her discover your penis size and sexual preferences for herself, if she’s so inclined. Remember, you’re trying to get a date with her, not submitting an entry to Penthouse Forum.

Fat on Film: "Shallow Hal"

Weekends are a great time to kick back and catch a good movie, so I thought I’d start recommending some films I’ve seen that deal with fat.

My first choice is “Shallow Hal”, a deceptively light comedy starring Jack Black and Gwyneth Paltrow. It’s deceptively light because it is a comedy, but the subject matter is actually very deep, and at least one of the scenes made a blubbering fool out of me. But I’ll get to that further in the review. It was directed by the Farrelly Brothers, the guys responsible for “There’s Something About Mary”, so if you like that kind of humour, you’ll enjoy this.

The plot: Hal (Jack Black) is a fun-loving, stereotypically shallow guy cruising the bars with his equally shallow best friend Mauricio (Jason Alexander) in the hopes of finding hot chicks. Of course, neither one will settle for anything less than physically perfect, although neither one of them is perfect. (That kind of contradiction is all too common, isn’t it? Many men sporting beer bellies and balding skulls seem to think that their imperfections shouldn’t detract at all from their ability to snag a hottie, yet women are given no leeway at all. But that’s a topic for another post.)

One day, Hal gets into an elevator with the real-life Anthony Robbins, life coach and movitation-guru extraordinaire. The elevator gets stuck between floors. To pass the time, they start having a a deep philosophical discussion about love, and Robbins “hypnotizes” Hal into a change of perception: From that moment on, every woman he sees will become as physically beautiful on the outside as she is on the inside, no matter what she really looks like.

Soon afterward, Hal spots Rosemary (Gwyneth Paltrow), a supersized BBW in reality, but a beautiful, slender girl to Hal’s eyes. He sees her walking down a street and catches up to her in a store, where he quickly hits on her, much to her confusion. Due to her size, she’s suspicious of his motives, but he is so persistent and complimentary to her that she relents, and they start going out.

A lot of funny scenes ensue where other people see her as the "real" Rosemary, but Hal cannot see her for anything less than the beautiful, willowy Gwyneth Paltrow she is … and she is beautiful, in every way. She works on a burn unit at a children’s hospital, and wants to join the Peace Corps. When Hal introduces her to his buddy Mauricio, however, buddy is concerned that his friend is dating a monster and tries to talk him out of it. But Hal is firm. He is in love, and Rosemary is a babe. He simply cannot see her fat.

Mauricio is so concerned about Hal’s blindness to Rosemary’s flaws that he gets Robbins to “reverse” the spell. Only then does Hal finally see Rosemary in her true physical form, panics, and quickly bails. But he feels guilty about it, knows he still loves her, and decides to try and get her back. Rosemary is heartbroken, and is about to leave for a job with the Peace Corps. Can Hal get her back before she leaves? You’ll have to watch the movie …

The moral here is really deep and very beautiful: What do you really love about someone – how they look, or who they are? Can you love someone who looks less than perfect? And if you do, will you be able to stand up to society’s disapproval of that love? While physical attraction might be the initial precursor to a relationship, is it what ultimately keeps you there? This film does a very good job of examining this issue, and being really entertaining at the same time.

It's worth noting that some larger people might find some of the humour offensive. There are lots of scenes where the real Rosemary breaks chairs, practically causes a tidal wave when she jumps in a pool, and scarfs down plenty of food. But I think it's important that everyone has a sense of humour about themselves, fat or thin. We can all make fun of ourselves in one way or another, and what  makes it more palatable is the deeper message within the film. Not all of the "ugly" characters are fat; there is one anorexic woman, and an "ugly" guy as well.

Jack Black is really funny as Hal, Jason Alexander plays his asshole friend to a T, and Gwyneth Paltrow is really sweet as Rosemary. Interestingly enough, Paltrow played both roles, slim and fat. For the “fat” role, she had to wear a specially designed fatsuit and prosthetic makeup. In an interview, she said that when she had her fatsuit and makeup on, “Everybody was very dismissive. I got a real sense of what it’s like to be a heavy person in this country and how people are so insensitive and degrading.” She also said, “I would never have any concept of what it is like to be a heavy person, had I not done this movie …” So much for having a “real sense” of what it’s like to be a heavy person, huh?

“Shallow Hal” will make you laugh and cry (especially a scene on the burn unit, which turned me into a blubbering pile of mush).

Check it out. It’s a good time!

Summer Stress

"Yellow Bikini", Sartre V

Yesterday when I went for my walk, it was amazingly warm, almost like summer. Yes, it’s almost that time of year again, the one we wait for all winter. Yet summer -- sunny, blue-skied, and balmy as it is -- can be a conflicted time for us larger women.

Many years ago, I read an essay by a large woman, Veronica Hubbard, on how she feels about summer. It was titled, appropriately enough, “Summer”, and it's from a wonderful compilation by large women writing about what it’s like to be fat, Shadow on a Tightrope (1983, Aunt Lute Book Company, edited by Lisa Schoenfielder and Barb Wieser). Here is an excerpt from that essay, and I think I can say that she speaks for many of us here:

Everyone likes summer, especially on one of those perfect summer days when the sun is shining brightly and it’s not too hot. I’m no different. But the quality of my life during the summer months is so much lower than women around me who are not fat, that about all I seem to feel during the summer is anger, bitterness, and a sense of being left out.

Wow. Can I relate to that! When I think back, it amazes me how many summer days I spent with my legs encased in a stifling hot pair of jeans simply because I was afraid to show my thighs, or how many times I pulled on a long-sleeved jacket to cover my arms because I didn’t want my flab to show … or how about at the beach? I rarely felt comfortable enough to stride out on the sand in just my bathing suit. I’d usually have a cover-up on, a t-shirt over my bathing suit, or something like that … and I’d always make sure to head for a part of the beach where there weren’t too many people around.

Average- or thin-sized people have no idea how stressful ordinary things like going to a beach or simply walking around outside can be for a large person. Even average-sized women are terrified to display themselves in a bathing suit! Multiply that stress by about 50 times and that will come close to what it feels like for a large person.

But you can’t let it stop you. We are just as entitled to enjoy a day at the beach, the zoo, the amusement park, or an outdoor patio – all the pleasures that are associated with summer – as anyone else. What about activities that we might genuinely enjoy, like playing a game of Frisbee, catch, or baseball? It’s like a Catch-22: we want to join in and and have fun, but we often stop ourselves because we’re afraid of the comments we might get. It’s crazy-making. Sure, there will always be the occasional person who makes an ignorant comment, or gives you an unpleasant look. But are you going to let a total stranger prevent you from enjoying the feel of the sun or the breeze on your skin, or enjoying some fun, healthy activity?

Veronica ended her essay on a sad note, and I truly hope that she (and you) no longer feel the same way:

This is how I felt a lot last summer. I spent most of it inside, continually feeling worse and worse. I ached to just go out and run around and do whatever I wanted, but I didn’t. I spent a lot of the summer being depressed and bitchy.

Veronica let other people dictate the quality of her life. She was afraid of the reaction she might get from people seeing her body more revealed, or moving around, so she isolated herself to protect herself from it. This is never a good thing. Why would you allow someone you’ve never met and who means absolutely zero in your life to prevent you from living it?

We will never be free of ignorance or discrimination -- not only against fat people, but against anyone who falls into the category of “different”: people of different races, sexual orientations, people with disabilities, you name it. It is an unfortunate fact of human nature that some of us need to single others out and try to make them feel inferior. But hiding in your house will not make it stop, or go away. It will always be there.

(I read up on this behaviour once, and discovered that it actually has its roots in caveman days: prehistoric people used to “weed people out” that they considered weak or deficient in order to preserve the uniform “strength” of the tribe. So whenever you see someone doing this, you know they are using the primal or prehistoric part of their brain.)

So you might as well wear that bathing suit, tank top, shorts, or summer dress, get out there, and enjoy the glorious summer! Believe me, there are plenty of men out there who’ll be peeking at you from under their sun visors and outright staring at your glorious body behind the anonymity of their sunglasses. And don’t be afraid to stop at the ice cream stand and get yourself a double scoop of your favourite flavour either!

I'm still working myself up to the day when I can feel as free as that gorgeous, sexy fat girl in the picture above, letting all her assets spill out of her yellow bikini ... but until then, I'll just wear the sexy one-piece!  

In Praise of Big Boobs

 

Me, 16-17ish, in the famous tube top, my parents' backyard.

One thing that really rocks about being a big girl … you usually have a really great pair of boobs. My girls, for example, are very near and dear to my heart. They have been with me through thick and thin (okay, more thick than thin), have functioned as a powerful form of man radar, and enabled me to weed out the contenders from the pretenders in my life.

The women in my family all tend to have large boobs. When I was growing up, I always used to admire my mother’s buxom figure. She was the quintessential European country girl (Austrian, to be exact) with the generous boobs to match. As I grew into a teenager, I surpassed her in both body and boob size, and had constant fights with her about the revealing tops I wore. I favoured V-necks or low-cut rounded tops that showed off my girls to their best advantage.

“Why do you have to show so much skin?” she asked. Meaning, cleavage. I could never understand why she bugged me so much about it. I could hardly hide them! And hey, if you’ve got it, flaunt it. I couldn’t flaunt a skinny body, because I didn’t have one, so I figured why not use what I have? Skinny girls got to dress like skanks in mini skirts and skintight jeans, so why did I get hassled about showing off my boobs? It wasn't fair. I had to compete somehow.

My boobs tended to attract attention, and enticed a lot of weasly-looking guys over to break the ice by asking for a light. Most of them were just horny jerks, but some of them were sweet. My first real romance was with a guy who was completely obsessed with my boobs. I think I was about 16. He lived near me, and he’d always slow his van down if he caught me walking down the street. I blew him off the first few times he invited me for a ride, but eventually said What the hell and agreed. On our first actual date, I wore a tube top, and his first comment to me as I got into his van was “No bra, eh?” He did have a bit of a one-track mind, I have to admit. We spent a lot of our time talking, laughing, and just hanging out, but we also spent a lot of our time together making out in the back of that van. I managed to restrict him to the top half of my body though, and although our relationship didn’t last, he was my first real love, and I still look back on those days fondly. He always used to tell me how much he loved my boobs, how beautiful and sexy they were. Which made me feel beautiful and sexy. Which was very good for him.

My boobs have attracted controversy as well. One day, I was hanging out with a girlfriend. We went over to some garage where her boyfriend and a bunch of his friends were working. I think I may even have been wearing the same tube top my former boyfriend loved so much. When we walked in, immediately all the guys’ eyeballs went right to my boobs, and one of them just happened to mention (in passing) that there was a bed upstairs. I couldn’t believe the audacity of this fool, and I just said “Really? Wow!” or something, in a very sarcastic tone of voice. I mean, what did the guy think? That I was going to say, “Oh cool, let’s go!” Later on, after we left, my friend told me one of the guys had gone up to her and said, “That friend of yours? Aren’t you embarrassed to be with her?” My friend said, “No, why?” “Because her boobs are so big!” he said. When she told me this, I was astounded. Embarrassed to be with me because I have big boobs? Why, is it big-boobed by association or something? And what exactly is so bad about having big boobs? Is it illegal? Are all big-boobed girls supposed to be sex-mad whores? Stupid asshole.

I have also encountered hostility and jealousy in the workplace from other women, especially when I was younger. I used to work as an office temp, and at one particular company I remember the guys walking by my desk and leering, and the women’s eyebrows raised at each other. The next day, I was told it wasn’t necessary for me to return. I was only in my 20s at the time and could have cared less about the job, but I knew my job performance had nothing to do with it and that bothered me. The jealous bitches on the job were the problem.

People do make ignorant assumptions, and yes, my boobs have been the cause of some controversy from time to time. But I love them. I will always love them. They are my pride and joy. I would like to formally thank my boobs for being so gorgeous and for bringing quite a bit of pleasure into my life (not just sexual).

My boobs today. As you can see, I'm still rockin' the cleavage.

We larger women are not encouraged to love our bodies. We’re always told they’re too big, too this, too that. What makes it easier to celebrate them are those gorgeous racks most of us have. Most women would kill to have a pair of boobs like ours. Women pay thousands of dollars for plastic surgery to get fake renditions of what we have naturally! So celebrate them. Buy yourself a gorgeous bra in a pretty colour that really supports and flatters your girls. Go out and get yourself a really sexy V-neck or scoop-necked top and show off that amazing cleavage. Pamper them, love them, and find someone who will love them as much as you do. 

Fat Love vs. Fat Hate -- Part 2: The Lovers

Before I start on our wonderful topic today, I’d just like to mention the response I got to my previous article on fat hate. A couple of readers stated that the comments were so repugnant to them that they couldn’t finish reading it. I totally understand, although I’d like to state that even though I found the comments equally horrific, I think it’s important to examine them and the kind of people who are making them. Think of it as scientists putting the cells of a disease under a microscope in order to study it, and hopefully find a cure. Unfortunately, I don’t believe that fat hate will ever entirely disappear. However, I believe that the more we expose it, discuss it, and come up with positive ways to deal with it, the better off we will be.

One more note before we get started: I got an e-mail from one of the fat haters responsible for at least one of the comments in the article. Typically, the e-mail he sent me didn’t include a name – the coward is still making his comments anonymously (from the safety of his mommy’s house, no doubt). He tried to leave another abusive comment here, which of course I didn’t publish. Did he honestly think he was going to be able to use this blog as another forum for his opinions? What a moron. But the only reason I mention this, and what I found really funny, was the fact that I used his own negative comments and turned them into a positive, by using them in an article on fat hate. It was so perfect! I think that’s what pissed him off the most. I just had to share that little tidbit with you, my dear readers. Now let’s move on to something truly worthwhile.

I’m sure a lot of you will enjoy this post, considering the hatred we discussed last week. Fat love is just as outspoken and opinionated as the hate, I’m glad to say, and you’ll find many examples below. Once again, I researched both sides of this coin, and collected comments from people whose eyes are open and not one-dimensional about our beauty and other positive qualities.

I have to say, however, that when I researched “fat love” groups on Facebook, they weren’t nearly as prolific as the fat haters. The ones that did exist also had a disappointingly low number of members compared to the haters. I started wondering why. Is it because fat haters use their computers more, and for that reason are much more of a presence on the internet? (If that’s the case, why don't they take their own advice, get off their lazy asses, and exercise!) Is it because people who love themselves are so secure in their self-esteem that they don’t feel the need to create a Facebook group declaring it?

Or does it simply mean that, mathematically, there is more fat hate than love out there? I don’t know … but it would be interesting to see some definitive numbers.

Anyway, here are the “love” groups I found on Facebook, with the number of “likes” or members beside them in brackets (once again, I disregarded the groups with really low or single-digit members):

• Fat women are the best looking women (175)
• Fat, big, voluptuous women are beautiful. (155)
• I love fat girls. (76)
• Fat beautiful sexy bbw and loving it! (1,130)
• Fat women are sexy. (301)
• Fat Black Sexy Mama. (817)
• Fat Girls are Sexy Too (157)
• I love healthy, curvy, thick, voluptuous women size 12 and up! (1,396)
• Proud to be in my skin (for voluptuous, plus-sized, curvaceous, and thick women) (889)

Now we’ll get to the really good stuff. Here are some comments I found on the internet. Some of them were from Craigslist Toronto, and others were collected from assorted websites and blogs. Enjoy!

i love bbw girls so what wrong with them. bigger the better i think

[post in a dating section] are you completely unapologetic about who you are? Does this piss people off in a severe way? If so, we may be meant for each other ... I'm a long-haired musician/writer/industrial worker who is looking for his unapologetic counterpart. ... As far as women go, I like pale skin, dark hair, and I do love fat chicks. I don't wanna hear euphemisms for it either, BBW or whatever. You're a fat chick and you're not ashamed of it.

Forget abs of steel – give me soft arms, wide hips and fleshy lips! For as long as I can remember, I’ve been turned on by fat women. … I love fat women, and I’m married to one.

My name is Donald, and I’m an F.A. I’m not ashamed of that. I’m proud of it. I want the world to know that I exist, and that I don’t want thin women represented as the only beautiful woman in my society. And I want all the fat chicks everywhere to know, regardless of what this deranged culture tells you, that you are beautiful, and desirable, and loved.

Oh. Ah. You poor souls who have never experienced the love of a fat woman. I am not joking here at all. Your eyes have been blinded by culture.

I don’t really know what the naysayers are talking about when they put down fat women I have loved several and it is an experience not to be missed such pulcratude [pulchritude] such lovely mounds of flesh yes I say love them all.

I don’t know if you know this, but in the days of old, if a woman was thin she was looked down upon as lower class, poor and not cared for. But the fuller more voluptuous woman was viewed as being healthy, well taken care of and of the higher class – she was considered beauty in motion. I would guess if you’re a boy then you would be attracted to a girl … (thin and boyish). But if you’re a man then you greatly appreciate and adore a real woman. Full, voluptuous, soft, and warm … full of passion and sensual delight. The best to love, to adore, to hold, to caress, to massage, and to sleep with.

I think big women are beautiful. I’m going with a big woman now … I’m a slender man at almost 6 foot at 170 pounds. At almost 6 foot, she is 240 pounds and more beautiful than I have ever imagined her to be. She is poised and carries herself like a queen. During the month, her weight will fluctuate from 240 to 270. She is not fat. This is the way she is. She is big. I would not want her to get sick trying to compete with thin women by losing her weight. I would not want her to change in any way. To me, she is perfect.

Give me a fat woman ANY day of the week. Skinny women are for the most part … UGLY as sin.

I have seen ugly, thin women as well as ugly fat women. I’ve also seen drop dead gorgeous thin women as well as fat ones. Honestly, it’s all in the attitude. It is how the woman carries herself that makes a difference. Tell me truly, guys. Would you rather sleep with a cold-hearted bitch or a woman who smiles and has a good time? I have a friend who is 5’8” and 265 pounds. … Her confidence level is through the roof and men NOTICE. I have seen men hurt themselves trying to get a second look. I have another friend who is thin, blonde, and has an ample chest. … She always has her arms crossed and she’s pissed at everything and everyone.

I love fat women. I can’t stand to look at a skinny woman who you can count the ribs on! … when I lay next to a woman in bed, I just wanna mend together with her, I don’t wanna feel her bones sticking into me!

I like fat girls they are so so sexy

Whichever way, fat girls have 90% better qualities to them than the 10% our naked eyes see. Come on cant we use our inner eyes and if not give all the fat women to me and never touch them again, I’ll be a king!

… And fat girls are not just pretty. They are warmhearted, beautiful, smart, loving women whose smile wakes one up in the morning and keeps one “up” at night.

Lastly, one particular comment jumped out at me and made my heart stop for a second. It’s a little ambiguous with regard to fat love. The writer doesn’t outwardly declare a love or admiration of fat women, or even defend them. But what he says totally captures the essence of the issue, of what is really important. I’ll let him say it, because he said it best:

I am a Native in Canada living in the North. We don’t have the luxury of a barrel of fruit. We get dried fruit or whatever is available. You complain about the size of women. Must be nice to have choices that you have. If we are lucky to find a woman, we marry them, doesn’t matter what they look like: can they cook, will they keep me warm, will they give me children.

That’s what it boils down to, doesn’t it? Finding someone who can be your life partner, someone you can build a life with ... and appreciating them for how they make you feel, not for what they look like.

It is absolutely tragic that so many people in our society place such a low value on that basic truth. They are so caught up in the packaging of what someone LOOKS LIKE, or how a potential partner will compliment their self-image, that they rank the sanctity of the emotional bond between a man and a woman last, and the size of her wedding dress first.

Fortunately, there are men out there who are awake. They see us. They know we exist, and they acknowledge our beauty. In spite of this good news, however, I still think men have a long way to go as far as expressing their love for us. Far too many men are still in hiding. I see far too many large women out there who are single and lonely. There are definitely men out there who’d like to be with them, if they’d just be brave enough to declare it.

I’m talking to you closet fat lovers out there: Yes, YOU! Come on out. Show us what a real man you are by not being afraid to declare your love for us. Dump that skinny chick who just doesn’t do it for you, and go with your true passion. The world won’t end. In fact, it’ll just be the beginning.

I'd also like to address the fat people out there who allow people to mistreat them, for whatever reason -- whether it's due to fear, embarrassment, lack of confidence, whatever. I know it's hard. I used to be very intimidated and afraid of the people who abused me. I allowed myself to be put in a corner and made the butt of  jokes ... and I hated and resented every second of it, as I know you do. I am no longer afraid because I finally came to a place where my love for myself "outweighed" the fear. Now I am ready to take on all comers. :) I want to inspire you to do so as well. The next time someone says something ignorant to you, or tries to make you feel inferior because of your weight, don't let them get away with it. SAY SOMETHING. Let them know that it is not acceptable. The more you speak up, believe me -- the better you will feel. In the words of the immortal Bob Marley: